Leja

Through my city the cold air rustled As the hard ground beneath it sagged; The thousands were swallowed And I left Prince of Nothing. I liked the rhythm of this ...

I see how each stanza connects to another, but not necessarily how they all connect as a whole. But I also kinda like it that way. I found the third ...

Writing things like "please review" is unnecessary as this is a writing site; it should be assumed that people will look at it anyway. Personally, I find it a turn-off, ...

If you're writing this for information, then you should expand the first two paragraphs. In fact, there isn't really enough information in the whole thing to give anyone an informed ...

red knuckles blister and pop, (white bone and whiplash) longing to knead calluses in fleshy whores, harvests of wheat and cherries and lips. phew! that's a big breath! The bolded ...

Hmm, I do think it could make a good prologue ^_^ In the center of the dark clearing lay a young figure, her whiteness glowing against the deep forest colors ...

The spaces between the lines aren't really necessary. I don't know if this is enough to make a song? Maybe another verse would help. Almost all the lines start the ...

I like how the titles set the tone for the following stanza (I had to look some of them up, but that made me appreciate them even more). But at ...

Yep; in the right place! I'd see how concise you can make this. See where you can combine two sentences into one for double the impact. Currently, I think it ...

Aaaaaaaaaaaah! I've lived in the Great Melting Pot all my life, I don't usually take a second look when people have, like, purple or red (actually, you know, blood RED) ...

Your capitalization seems inconsistent; similarly, seeming lack of punctuation made it confusing at times. I think consistency would help. Another comment on format; it becomes a bit confusing when it

This seems very heavy compared to the previous two installments. “Albino” is hardly fitting, implying disease, while this bruised paper body is perfection. I'd put the "albino" in italics and ...

“I’m here because you asked me to come here,” The second "here" is unnecessary (and shouldn't he know why she's there anyway?). Okay, so I glanced at a few of ...

The dialogue is wonderful. I like the tone of it, as well as the tone of what's around it. Content seems a bit all over the place to me. Word ...

Love the first line. Having said that, the ~phrase "no alt delete" didn't seem to have much meaning other than to complete the key code; I'm reading it as "no ...