KingKamor

The beginning needs a little more work. It seemed a little plain in its description, and I would have gotten bored and quit if I hadn't read fast enough. There ...

I love how you personified Death as some kind of disgruntled employee kind of guy. Kind of like Terry Pratchet. I also liked how he named off the other two ...

Other than a few grammar mistakes near the beginning, I really liked this. I had a hard time getting into it because the beginning was a little boring, but you ...

Everyone else has already pointed out the grammatical errors, so I'll just say that the whole presentation really fit. It gave me a somber, almost blank feeling, and I think ...

The second paragraph has two run-on sentences. You can easily separate both of them into two, and it should make more sense that way. Same as above for the third ...

This hits pretty close to home for me, because I was made fun of and ridiculed a lot when I was in elementary school. The bullies never wrote notes to ...

Hey! Been awhile, Tina. I liked the point you were trying to make with this script, but it seemed like Victoria reached her epiphany a little too soon, and Jared ...

I liked this the same as everyone else who's commented so far, so I'll point out a few things that I found wrong about it, to me, at least. While ...

I love how this is pretty weird, but strangely true at the same time. My sister made me play with her barbie dolls all the time, so I can relate ...

Either you need to make it funnier, or change the title of the thread, because I didn't laugh that much. >.> Maybe you'll show some comedy in the next chapter? ...

Okay, slow down for a bit. All you have to do it make this thing about a tenth of it's current size. Readers don't like to read this much text ...

Aas a lover of fantasy, I really liked this. It was good how you opening with an actiony scene, and I felt a a bit of suspense when Steel was ...

I read the first two paragraphs, found myself in a not-yet-hooked state, and then asked myself, "I wonder how long this is?" So I looked on down and saw the ...

Time to get cracking *cracks knuckles*

Heheh. It's nice to get away from my dramatically sarcastic story and read up on some pure and simple high school life story. *sighs* Anyway, good job, though your description ...