Kim

this one confused me, when Ronda showed up in the picture, you used I instead of Landon, then switched to using his name. Ex. my bed was pushed into the ...

i think you need to explain sarah, who is she? why isnt she there?, the sentence breaks up, like a thought that didn't get finished. also when he "slows down ...

This is great, the topic needed to be touched on, i feel the same way. this is well written and you got your point acrossed. please dont take the rudeness ...

this is good bri, i found a few errors, just a few :) Wiping the water off her face that had slashed up on to it he watched as she ...

your story is great, you just need to take your time while writing, or when you are done read it aloud. you will catch most of the spelling errrors your ...

you did great, i love this story. i am not going to even look for writing errors. i am reading this for the joy of reading an awesome story. i ...

wow, this is great, i enjoyed reading, it ended to quick. but thats just me. i was wanting to go on. the only thing that didnt flow, is calling the ...

this is very good bear, you seem alot more relaxed writing about humour and life struggles. i can see you improving constantly. ( all your other stories are great to). ...

wow you got hammered on this one, icaruss should not be posting replys. i liked it, i could see the humour and the frustration. i am not one to critique ...

bear, this was a great ending. the only thing that confused me, was the 4th paragraph from the end. re: i was not invited......who is I? that is the only ...

lol, this made me laugh, i dont know if that was your intention, but i really liked this. something short, like your mind just came up with it, and you ...

the story line was good, i had a tendancy tho to skip alll the chorus. i was thinking it as a poem , but it turned out to be a ...

i enjoyed reading this chapter, i like the communication you use between the girls. i think you got critiqued enough, so i just read for enjoyment. i look forward to ...

when you complete this, it will be an awesome story the first paragraph lost me, i know you were trying to describe the connections, but i had to reread it ...

i liked where your story was taking me, i love that era of time. the very beginining was confusing tho, the first few sentences. you might want to add the ...