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Re: Elena Maionsa - Cinq
I liked this. I was kind of curious about the ears on Adel, though. Nothing else of his features seemed to stand out, so it made me think of a ...
Sep 26, 2007 -
Re: Era and the Lost Child
It was a miserable evening. Rain fought its way through a cracked sky (omit comma) lined with hazy, dark clouds that blocked out all forms of light. The moon, hidden ...
Sep 5, 2007 -
Re: Servant of Time: Prologue
I'm not sure about the structure of prologues since I never do them, but I wasn't pulled in. It felt rushed. I know a prologue is there to get you ...
Aug 27, 2007 -
Re: Story Deleted
I can honestly say that this is very realistic. Very. It touched a spot in me. I used to work at a coffeeshop and my own husband (after we were ...
Aug 8, 2007 -
Re: My Summer Romance
I'm in the same boat as Bianca. You say they're at a horse camp but there's nothing to denote that it's there. Just the mention of it and the horses ...
Aug 8, 2007 -
Re: Young Adult Fiction
YA is what I aim to write for. The thing I like about YA is the fact that the storlines aren't quite as ... engrossed with nitty-gritty details about primary ...
Jul 28, 2007 -
Re: No title yet.
I really liked the ending a lot. The only real "errors" I found were grammatical. I've left an edited version (edits in bold) on your desktop for you to read! ...
Jul 27, 2007 -
Re: Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows
[spoiler]Some people do rather marry those they were together with in high school. I did. I started dating my husband when I was 13 years old. I'm 25 now and ...
Jul 25, 2007 -
Re: Chapter One (Stranger's Entrance) of Archer's Legend
Not so far into it, I can already see something that I don't really like: You skip over the setting. What do these rooms look like? Is her room well-lived-in? ...
Jul 10, 2007 -
Re: The Oil Fields Are Burning
Gorgeous. I only found some minor grammatical errors but I wasn't sure if you wanted to be critiqued or not. There weren't any author notes anywhere. I really like the ...
Jul 7, 2007 -
Re: The Broken -- Chapter One -- First Draft
I liked this. I liked to think that the whole thing with the first part about his home was ... well, like it was so close to his own home ...
Nov 22, 2006
