Kaliber

thanks for your help guys seriously. i don't know what i would do without you . (edited) Tell me if there is still stuff wrong. CHAPTER 2 The next day ...

I would probably say add spaces between Paragraphs. Then I will read and comment. thats probably why i'm the first. Not to be harsh or anything.

Thanks for posting guys. I'm working on it now. I know that I like am terrable at grammar, and I hate commas by the way:) But im working on it. ...

here is the rewrite and edit. i will post it below chapter 2 when i get to posting it. Golden Guard Chase sprang awake. He had dreamed of horrid creatures, ...

Thanks all, This is mainly meant to be a teaser, and i have rewriten it, along with chapter 2 and most of chapter 3, thanks for commenting.

Your answer to my last Crit above was exactly right. Sorry to make it so confusing, i just had a hard time picturing the scenes happening. And i also agree ...

geez, excellent. hurry and write the next chapter lol, Joking don't hurry, want it to be good. :p

i liked it, makes me want to read on. i think that the conversation was good. only had to read it once to know they where friends. heh, sounds a ...

i loved it, i happen to be getting a fedora in a week or so lol, keep going, i don't see anything that hasn't already been said.

ug suspenceful, hurry and write next chap hehe, didn't find anything wrong, good work.

oh nice, ha , i didn't see the next chapter was already posted, very nice work, reading next chap next, will this be a novel eventually? i couldn't find anything ...

loved it, couldn't find anything wrong that wasn't already said i guess thats a good thing :P can't wait till next chapter.

wow i love it, very very nice work, a little confused near the end, i hope you continue it, once again, nice work.

very nice, reminds me of the halo books alot. i liked it even though it was a little short.

Hm, i love it. it makes me want to keep reading, so, keep writing! love the story, exelent story line, couldn't find any mistakes that i know of. good work.