Alright, I took this to school (yes, I know: "Nerd!") and critiqued it. Forgive me if nothing makes sense, lol.
The half dragon [s]got[/s] swung [or some other word?] his feet under me and kicked me into the air. [s]I had been[/s] He kicked me so high, [s]that[/s] I was beyond the height of the roof of the inn.
[s]Normally[/s] half dragons [s]don’t[/s] [unsure if this should be 'didn't' instead] have wings, but this one did [s]and that surprised me.[/s] to my surprise.
He flew [s]at [/s] towards] me, [s]slow[/s] slowly compared to a pure-blood dragon, but still fast enough to reach me before I hit the ground.
As soon as I landed on the street, I felt a ton of pain in my left arm.
Completely rewrite this.
I yelped from the sharp pain that shot up my left arm. Or something better. 
I [s]brought[/s] my only [s]useable[/s] usable claw [s]at the[/s] in time to block his first attack.
If he was a human, [s]than[/s] then all of these attacks would do little, if any, harm to me. However, since it was a half dragon attacking me, it felt like I was getting bashed by a blunt sword.
This whole part is kind of an...info dump.
I [s]could tell[/s] knew he was [s]already[/s] dead before I had opened my eyes.
I removed the body from above me and [s]did my best[/s] struggled to stand up.
The entire time, I was wondering where the other half dragon had gone.
Wouldn't he be a little too busy to be wondering about the other one? I mean, he was in the middle of a life/death situation!
“Umm…there’s another one!?” he responded [s]in fear and shock[/s] fearfully as he looked around for the other one.
If he was afraid just a few seconds ago, wouldn't he be a bit shifty or nervous, rather than anxiously looking for another dragon to kill? Remember what kind of characters you have.
Shouldn’t be as hard [s]as you think to spot[/s] to spot as you think, [use a semi or dash] its scales were more predominant than this one’s,” I said as I looked at my left arm. I couldn’t see any outside injuries, but I still felt quite a bit of pain [don't think this quite fits] all over my arm.
Any idea why they were here,” asked David as [you use this almost too much, hehe] he looked at the body of the dead half dragon.
“I don’t have a clue, but I bet that girl [s]that I saved[/s] knows,” I replied, looking at the hole I had made in the second floor of the inn.
She was still sitting in the hall, propped up against the wall.
Figuring that she thought I was with the other half dragons...
Maybe she 'squealed' or 'shrieked' in fright of the sight of you (I mean the MC, not you personally
)?“Prove it,” she said [s]quickly in a stern voice[/s] [fiercely] as she pointed a small hand gun at me.
He slowly lowered it, but looked at me as though I was being stupid.
He frowned at me, but lowered the weapon anyway.
The civil war ended when the whole black order was obliterated except me [dash or triple dots] [s]because[/s] I was hidden.
“Look at the color of my scales. [move tag at the bottom to right here
She suddenly dropped that hand, and I quickly ran towards her to help her and get the gun from her. She tried to respond, but I was to fast.
Meep! Just to point it out, though.
...and I quickly ran over to help, taking the gun from her hands.I saw several villagers running and screaming in a huge mess of chaos. I saw one of the villagers was looking [s]in[/s] up to the sky so I did as well.
I saw about one hundred dragons, all ranging in color.[colon] [s]Some were[/s] blue, [s]some[/s] red, [s]some[/s] gold, [s]some[/s] green, [s]some[/s] cyan, and [s]some[/s] gray...Some even had half-dragons riding them.
It was always a relief when David was by my side [insert dash here] [s]because[/s] he [s]is[/s] was the smartest, strongest, and fastest human I know.
This girl is probably the reason they are here and if they want her dead I think we should keep her alive,” I said [s]as[/s] and I took the woman from his hands.
[s]It tried to dodge the bullets[/s] The half-dragon dodged most of the bullets, but the last bullet of David’s clip penetrated his shoulder. [s]It[/s] The creature [or something] fell while it held its shoulder. It was writhing in pain as David reloaded his clip. [s]David [/s] The human] shot at the still moving half dragon four more times.
The dragon was a young one. [dash or semi] It was one of the smallest pure-blood dragons, but was still a threat.
As soon as it heard the shots[dashes] or maybe it felt them,[dashes] it looked straight at David. David continued shooting until he was out of bullets.[delete period] [s]Then[/s] before, he would pop in a new clip and shoot some more.
“What are you doing? [insert tag here] I am giving you time to get out of this town. If this is the beginning of another invasion, then humans need the black order to protect it again. GO!” he yelled at me.
I ran back and got the girl as I heard David [s]scream[/s] shout, “Eat this!”
Screaming sounds too girlish
As soon as I saw the explosion I knew David had allowed the dragon to eat him [s]because[/s] dash he always carried some type of explosive on him.
I ran toward the mother and her son, and said, “Follow me. I will do my best to get you out of here safely.” I could see the [s]kid[/s] child was scared, but the mother had seen the whole thing with the small pure blood dragon.
Since it was night time, we were well disguised from the dragons because we were all in dark clothes, not to mention the fact that we were traveling through thick, uncharted woods that surrounded the town.
I[s], then,[/s] turned to the mother and said,
He [s]was[/s] occasionally [s]shooting[/s] shot fire at the woods. I inhaled deeply, [s]exhaled,[/s] and launched a ball of molten lava [s]about the size of a baseball[/s] at him.
Is this a modern fantasy? Don't twist modern terms like 'baseball' into your story unless it's modern day fantasy.
I got dragged for a bit then, when he flew back up, I went up with him.
The dragon launched into the sky, dragging me with him.
You’d think that as a dragon, I wouldn’t be afraid of heights, but I have never flown before and at that moment, I hoped I would never again.
Rewrite completely. Info dump and lengthy.
I could tell I was hurting him because he noticed I was hanging on to him and he was yelping occasionally.
Rephrase. That's all.
He tried [s]scratching[/s] brushing/sweeping me off with his paws, but was unable to reach.
I took advantage of my predicament and inhaled deeply. I then launched another slightly smaller lava ball under one of the scales that I was slowly tearing off. I heard his exposed flesh sizzle and his roar of pain. His flying faltered slightly, but he was able to stay aloft.
Great job!!
knew that I couldn’t use another lava ball, or I would faint due to exhaustion. [s]I was actually surprised that the second one did actually come out.[/s]
The entire time I was falling, I tried to grab the scale.
I was hoping that I would fall into the trees, [s]because[/s] hoping I [s]might’ve been able to[/s] could catch a branch and slow my fall.
It still hurt when I hit the ground, [s]but it would’ve hurt so much more if I hadn’t been slowed down.[/s] I laid there for a few seconds as I caught my breath. Then, [no comma] I heard a sweet feminine voice say, “I guess I should rescue my rescuer.”
I replied with a moan of pain.
I moaned in reply. Possibly, though it's fine how you have it.
Sorry if I repeated anything later on in the crit. I'm getting really sleepy now. It's a good story you have! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
can't wait till next chapter.
. Saved by a girl.
? It would probably go all the way through.
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