Kaedee

Well, this was an interesting take on Hansel and Gretel. :D Minor grammatical corrections/words you could consider adding on to your sentences in the quotes are in red. Specific sentences ...

Hello captain. Welcome to the site! I think you have a decent start here; I don't really have much to say, this being only a short prologue! The whole freezing ...

Heyhey. Kaedee here to review! Welcome to YWS :3 The main problem with this story, is that it's hard for the reader to understand what's going on in this piece. ...

Hi hoagie, it's me again. I think I had made the biggest mistake an investigator could make. I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into. What mistake, exactly? I'm ...

Hey hoagie, Kae here. I sighed, my limbs giving in to the ridiculously strong duct tape. It’s no use. He wasn’t going to do anything to me anyway. If he ...

Hi Ignorance! Blood-red numbers flashed out at him, drawing his attention like a boat to a lifehouse. Nice. The part in bold is clever, and it helps transition from the ...

Hiya! Kaedee here. ^^ "Hey, Julie, my mom said get up," the young girl said . Generally people use the word 'the' when the object or person has been introduced ...

Hi there! I feel like you stuffed too many character descriptions in here. I had a hard time remembering who was who, and it got a little bit confusing. For ...

Hiya Coral, KD here! I thought this was very cute and light, because of both the narration and the story itself. I also liked how you described the MC's sneeze ...

Hey Yuriiko, Kaedee here for a speedy review! ^^ Overall, I thought this was good. Mainly you had some: -grammar issues -word choice issues ( your steady eyes wander this ...

Hey Rememberme. :P Kae here! I'm not really going to do a nitpicky review (spelling, grammar, etc.). His hand brushed against mine. Electrifying. A bolt of lust rushed through my ...

Hey crafty! Welcome to the site. I'm Kaedee. Or KD. Whatever you want, basically. ^^ So. I can tell this really does have lots of potential. This was fun to ...

Overall/The Story so Far: Again, more detailed expressions (also so your characters don't seem blank), reactions, voice descriptions, etc. would help to get the reader more into the moment, since ...

“One moment, Lady Millicent,” I said, moving towards my bed and bringing out a small wooden box from underneath where I kept some of my most precious items. Underneath my ...

Two chapters in a day! I'm ambitious, right? xD my decision to marry Decision? Didn't her uncle say that it actually really wasn't her decision, after all? He had been ...