KJ

I liked the start of it. But then I felt like it got kind of weird. Isn't John an old man? And isn't he the one talking? I got confused, ...

I don't have time to properly review this, but I thought you would appreciate a comment. In my opinion, this was very well-written. I was interested, and the plot moved ...

It was okay. The was a couple things I didn't like, and one was how, in the beginning, you write as if you are speaking to the reader. I don't ...

I think that this should have been longer before you posted it. Even Prologue's aren't normally this short. What we've seen was... intriguing, I suppose, but there needs to be ...

This is just on the first part; I don't have time to review the others. These are the only things that I didn't like: I could’ve sworn I heard several ...

This was pretty good. The only thing that really bothered me was how you used things like, "you said" in reference to the other person. That got a little confusing, ...

Hey. I see that this was posted a while ago, but I'm going to comment anyway. I thought that this was a pretty good start. I liked the quirkiness of ...

It was interesting. I felt like you were saying the name "Corrie" far too much, though. And that weird paragraph in the middle needs to be fixed. She says way ...

That was funny. I'm really tired right now, so when I started reading this I forgot that you said you were writing this in a girl's perspective, so all those ...

“Will we ever come back Father?” he asked innocently, looking up into his sire’s weathered face. Comma would be good after "back". And "he" should be capitalized. “I don’t know. ...

"All spirits are enslaved which serve things evil." -- Percy Bysshe Shelley, Prometheus Unbound. Liked this. The machine starts (it is ready). Feel like the parentheses takes away from the ...

Curdled moonlight writhed on the blade as she held it on high. Dusky pines formed a ragged circle around her, like teeth tearing into the star-strewn blanket of the sky. ...

I think it was okay. Your paragraphs and spacing needs some work. But as for your MC, we don't really know who she is. Okay, she's in dance, and it ...

Hey Ash. I have the honor of being your first critique, so allow me to begin... The two boys arrived at the middle school with three minutes to spare. They ...

I don't understand why the kids were making such a big deal about her sitting beside him. Was she dared to the day before or something? And what age are ...