KJ

Hi, Dreamworx. I'm just going to dive right into this: The girls' behavior and conversation is very... flightly. Very young girls might act like this, but I don't know how ...

Where are your commas? I must know. Have they run off and hidden from you? “I know, I know” she laughs You do this a lot. A lot, a lot. ...

Hi, Elinor Brynn. Just dropped in to give you a quick review. First off, I don't really agree with Miss Ching on the part about your introduction. Honestly, I didn't ...

Hey, EmmaJane. I lied in my PM, I guess. Found time to get to this tonight! Anyway, there wasn't much, and I hate repeating myself, but again... I liked it. ...

I like the idea of it. And I like their names. But - I feel like a broken record today, since I've been saying it to so many others - ...

Hi, Elinor Brynn. So you're ThornedRose? Did I get that right? If so, nice to talk to you again! :) As to your story, I see that it's been covered ...

Hey GSPPCROCKS, I'm KJ. Just here to do a quick review without nitpicks - I think you have had enough of those for now. To begin, this all moves very ...

Hi Mad_Moo. I'm KJ, and I'm here to give you a quick little comment. Overall I liked it. There wasn't much to review, really. I didn't spot any major errors ...

Hey there, I'm KJ. Overall I enjoyed your piece, but I did find a couple nitpicks: It was a hot evening. The air was warm where they were, cramped up ...

Hi, Tigerwolf. I normally don't start out with the negative, but I have to be honest. Reading the two paragraphs above was overwhelming. I felt like you were throwing so ...

First off, I enjoyed your dialogue. Everything seemed to flow naturally and your MC was well-developed througout this. There were, of course, a couple of things I noticed that could ...

Hey there, Kashraj. I'm just going to give you some quick observations of mine, since I'm in a time crunch right now and shouldn't even be on YWS. Your beginning ...

I like your title. It's the reason I opened this. As to the writing, I enjoyed that, too. As plots go, so far it's not really original. The popular-boy-finally-noticing-the-shy-girl-who's-secretly-in-

To me, this was just too abrupt and cut down. You could expand this whole thing, make it more interesting, add description, more dialogue, character development, know what I mean? ...

Huh. Interesting. Honestly, it's not the best you've ever written, Ash, but it's not as bad as you seem to think it is. What I'd like to see you do ...