JosephDean

Omg, Castles, when I saw you had a second part up, I stopped everything I was doing to come read it. :) You continue to amaze with this second part, ...

Very nice, Jiggity. Very nice. :) I coughed louder this time and he snorted, an explosive fart flipping him over. Comma after "time" since it's a compound sentence and all. ...

First the nitpicks :wink: ...but to me all it is is lots of 'clubs' trying... I would reword this so you don't have to have "is" twice in a row. ...

Whoa. I loved this! I usually despise repetition, but the way you used it was superb. Most of the nitpicks have all ready been pointed out, so there's nothing much ...

Well since it's short, I'll copy/paste. Rachel got into the bathroom, went into the first stall, Put a Space Here sat on the toilet, and started crying. "Why does this ...

Wow, adi, so sorry it took me forever to get to this, lol. One quick thing And I wish that I were fifteen again was No, it is "were" when ...

Well, all of my grammatical and punctuational nitpicks have all ready been pointed out, but I will say this... Suddenly the scenery changed. Suddenly, everything disappeared. Not only should you ...

A few nitpicks at first Pictures of horses and green meadows whipped by, *comma or semicolon* I didn't have the effort to stare at them. The many colors [s]around me[/s] ...

Okay... Let's take this one step at a time, shall we? :) Eight periods in the life: Halloween Is "the" really necessary? Is it a specific life that requires "the"? ...

Phew, I just read all of the previous chapters and then this one. The only main issues I saw where punctuation and grammar usage, which had all been pointed out. ...

I close my eyes, for only a moment. You do not need the comma there. "for only a moment" is a prepositional phrase. I want to touch him, to hug ...

You spend zero time discussing the consiquences of her being in a smoke-filled house for so long. Did she get burned at all? How did she get out? Why isn't ...

I just read through the previous parts, and I agree to take out most, if not all, of the first part. Like you said, I don't see how it really ...

Oh. My. God. O____O That was absolutely fantastic! Your writing style... your words... everything (except your grammar and punctuation usage, hehe) is exceptional! I completely understand your stance

Let me start by telling a story: Many people will tell you that starting off with something like this is really unprofessional and child-like, and I have to say that ...