Jonathan

I was too what? I think that you hit enter a bit too much. Isn't ideal is better than isn't idea. (is his pried position) hmm that sounds wrong. (I ...

This sounds a bit wrong he thinks these thing and doesn't say anything. As his mother had taught him I think is better than as mother taught him. Very nice ...

The first piece sounds like poetry. Who is she?. Was it intentional that there is a bit of miss spelling when they talk?. (You know who she’s real)(you know that ...

This might not be the best idea about not drinking at all. It was six or seven in the other chapters not 8. Now i think you are very wrong ...

You could cut out the (you have a lot of nerve). (When he started to rise from the floor) What does that mean, I dont recall him being on the ...

Why would she push her mom aside if it was the last time she ever saw her. Again they are a bit excessive on this planet they kill people without ...

(Were not) instead of (was not). Why would he rush in maybe walked quickly into the barn instead of rush maybe if you try to picture a detective and what ...

I dont exactly see how a tail could give you the ability to disappear. I also think that it needs to be capsule not capsle. They already new where i ...

Very good grammar But if you want reviews i would make it smaller than this because it takes so long to read it took me almost half an hour to ...

OK you seem to know a lot about horses and how to ride them. It is interesting i think but still make the chapters smaller. Herd the ring of a ...

Maybe it would be better if you just written (Hello) instead of (I am awake know) Hay you can't have a (really bad concussion) just because you fell on the ...