Jiggity

Ah, the sentimental ghosts from christmas past type story. So it begins, as it usually does this time of year. Firts off I agree with 'dette on the overuse of ...

I too, had heard much about this author and so I picked up one of his books. Not sure which one it was--long way the night something or something like ...

First up I think that Chapter 1 should be the prologue. There were a few typos, which I'll ignore, I'm sure you'll pick 'em up. Just a note on the ...

I didn't finish all this; there was something I noticed straight away that made me stop. You are far too over-descriptive and it really drags the story down. In depth ...

Aside from dialogue punctuation -- which is sorely needed here--I agree with Phorcys here, there needs to be some confilct; something that drives the story and the character. As it ...

Without proof he would remain crimeless. I think 'crimeless' should be changed to 'blameless' -- whether there's proof or not, he still committed a crime. Kat was the eldest niece ...

I think that, in general, Kay pretty much covered it all. Some things though, I'll reiterate. Fix the little glitches so, on the whole, the poem flows better. "striking up ...

Whoa, first of all kudos for the length and rhyming which wasn't all that forced in some places. It was a bit overwhelming, in the sense that there's no indents...kinda ...

Yeah, this should be in poetry lol. heatr heart forevere forever but within the darkness an endless shadow life shall endure if it becomes a blaze I think this passage ...

I'm going to agree with Rose here, there seems to be little to no thought put into this and the purpose? Seemingly non existent. I would recommend turning this into ...

Well, most of this was covered by Trident I see. Essentially, this is a really good short story, quite enjoyable and for the most part, very well written. However, and ...

So, what exactly are we to do with something not meant to make sense which you have no intention of continuing? A tall blonde man wearing a tux and carrying ...

I think, in essence, what you have here is good, with the potential to be great. Most of, if not everything, was covered by those above so I suggest you ...

It looked to Sensuret like what he imagined a god would, clean and shiny, bathed in light. This is an uber awkward sentence, that could be improved. “What are you ...

Some adventurous folk crept right up to the threadbare barrier in hopes of catching a better glimpse of the faces of the fighters full of a grim determination 'full of ...