Jiggity

The poor lighting gave the vehicle a gloomy feeling, one that Leo didn’t necessarily agree with. This sentence tripped me, then stepped on my face repeatedly. XD I don't even ...

I agree with some of Blink's suggestions, have only this to add: she hoped he would chock on an apology one day. choke * So, the whole Adam and Eve ...

and [s]a[/s] several other soldiers were jogging over towards him So, I haven't many thoughts regarding this to be honest - which is a feat, in itself, given the many ...

He was naked, and cold sweat clung to him, the bed was uncomfortable and there were no blankets. You need to learn to where and when to place commas as ...

Imp! Whoa. I must say, I was all set to call the mental institute and warn them you'd finally tripped over the edge [mind that line, preciously precocious, precociously precious ...

Snow was falling down from the pitch black skies. [s]There were no stars nor clouds. Only an entirely black sky threatening to consume the small world beneath it[/s]. A young ...

Daryl always ignored the beauty in thought, plunging straight to the core of anything we spoke on. I ask him about the devil, and he tells me he’s no Christian. ...

Ah, a slightly cleaner and more intriguing continuation. I didn't find anything to critique here; I do wonder now though, whether that first piece is at all necessery. This would ...

A sudden terror seized him from the inside, and he realized he had never fully realized what was going to happen until now Repitition of realized, annoys. Try: A sudden ...

Great idea, not so great execution. That about sums it up. If I wasn't so tired, I would point out the dozen or so typo's that are littered throughout. You ...

I've known of them for a while now, but have yet to read them. I saw an episode of the TV show - based on the books of course - ...

Colour, Penguin? Dogs are colour blind. I thought this was okay - since its only meant to describe an event without describing it, I don't think comments about whether you ...

When I look at the stars, I see a face [s]where other people see eternity. [/s] I see no point for the struck out part of the sentence. Other people's ...

Your hands have none of the shiver of the burlesque in them, they have no mystery. This is the only thing I stumbled on when I read this; halted the ...

Okay, so this is a fairly simple, and ultimately cliche story. It's well written, with only a few, minor typo's but nothing new is said; nothing new occurs. It's an ...