Jiggity

Yeah, the rhyming and tempo is a bit off on this; I'm not a poetry nut though so I can't tell you to fix it. Nail another seal to my ...

Lonely bones of old maids rumble into empty graves, Clattering against the dusky soil. I think 'rumble' should be 'tumble' - rumble is a sound, an effect, but not an ...

Johanna fidgeted in her uncomfortable stool, twirling her long brunette hair around and around her finger. on her uncomfortable stool She couldn't’t put her finger on it was something new ...

Isaac looked at her, her eyes were hollow, the usual mystery blanked from them. Hm. The commas here and in a few other cases are misused I think as the ...

The warm feeling of numbness starts to begin 'starts to build' or just 'starts' - 'start to begin' is redundant. with a stream of liquid that brushes your face, Flows ...

Hey there! I see you're new, so welcome to YWS. Daddy sits at the big round table, looking at pictures of people on the old square computer. His tired eyes ...

Sometimes, January is a gorgeous young girl with pale skin and jet-black hair. And those piercing [s]crystal-clear[/s] blue eyes that only a select few people possess. Like two orbs of ...

All I could see [s]on my eyelids[/s] was green I think that would make more sense as 'of my eyelids' - even then, though, I suggest nixing the whole eyelid ...

Er, is this it? Hm. And you mean to continue it? This is supposed to launch us into your story, your novel? There isn't much here to review really. There ...

Her mouth was thin and silent. is Keep up the tense. Me and Maria close our eyes and try to feel each other's insides – heartbeats and emotions as thick ...

April's head was hurting so bad, like an ax was being driven into her skull, it was almost impossible to think. You don't need to keep repeating her name. Gets ...

Welcome to YWS! You needn't worry. We're all very nice. But we try to be fair. Remember to review two stories for every one you write. It was my fifteenth ...

Reflect reflection reflect, Who do you see there? Reflect reflection reflect, Why do you have such care? This was the only stanza I had a real problem with. I didn't ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS. Just so you know, its a requirement for you to critique two pieces per every one you post. This was well written, if short and ultimately ...

Hello, and welcome to YWS. Just so you know, you are required to do two reviews for every one of your posts. [sorrowful pain] How can pain be sorrowful? Left ...