z

Young Writers Society



Hunted: Part 1.1

by dragnet


Part One

A constant beeping sound awoke her. April Tutthille wondered what the sound was coming from. It couldn't be her alarm clock. April had a stereo that played music for an alarm. Had she stayed over her friend's house on a school night or something? She couldn't remember. April's head was hurting so bad, like an ax was being driven into her skull, it was almost impossible to think.

With a moan, April raised her hand to her forehead. A warm hand touched her shoulder. "Does your head hurt?" a silky voice asked. April nodded wordlessly. "Okay," said the voice. "I'll start you on morphine."

"Please," whispered April. "It feels as though my head is about to explode."

There was a soft sound of shoes moving across the room, then a door opening and closing. After a few minutes, the door opened again.

"There," said the voice. "Is that better?"

The pain had started to ebb away. April nodded and opened her eyes. What she saw amazed her. The room was small and white washed. There was a single window and a door leading into a white hallway. There were monitors and hanging bags that were attached to tubes and wires that were attached to her. She was in a hospital.

April turned towards the man who was standing next to her bed. She was even more surprised by him. His lab coat and tie identified him as a doctor, but he looked more like a street punk who was supposed to be zooming around on a motorcycle. From under a cloud of billowing blond hair, ice blue eyes stared at her, not cruelly, but gentle like. Four massive scars ran down the left side of his face, narrowly missing his eye. It looked as though a demon had raked his claws down the doctors' face, and, for some weird reason, April had a feeling that was how they got there.

Finally, April's mouth started to work again. "What...who...um..." April cleared her throat and tried again. Her voice was scratchy, as though it hadn't been used in a long time. "Who are you? What am I doing here?"

"You don't remember?" he asked. "You came into the ER complaining of a massive headache that you that you claimed to have had for three days. You collapsed, and you've been in a coma for the past two days."

April shook her head, confused. "I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember is waking up on my thirteenth birthday."

"When was that?" asked the doctor.

"Why do you need to know?" April shot back. She did not think that it was important at all; she just thought that the doctor was nosy.

"Because, how much memory you have lost could explain if it was due to drinking, having amnesia, or another cause."

"Oh," said April looking at her hands. She got red in the face for thinking that the doctor was nosy. Of course it was relevant. Why else would he want to know? "April 1st, 2006."

The doctors' mouth fell open.

"What?" asked April. "I know, I was named after the, month I was born in. But it isn't that big of a deal. Sheesh." April folded her arms and gazed out the window, where a robin was joyfully singing his heart out in a Douglas Fir.

The doctor shook his head. "Um, no, April, it isn't that, it's just...it's just that...that happened two years ago. Today is April 1st, 2008."

April's head whipped around towards the doctor. "What are you saying?" she said. "That...that I just randomly forgot the last two years of my life? But...but that's impossible!"

"Actually," said the doctor. "Not entirely. If something extremely tragic happens, it is possible for the mind to shut out those memories. But it is also possible that this could be some rare disease. But, for us to find that out, we're going to need parental consent, because you're still a minor. Is there anyone who you can call? Your grandparents? Your dad? Your mom?"

April's face went dark. "No," she growled. "I'm not going to call her. I'm not. You can't make me. You can't and I wont!"

"Who?" asked the doctor. "Your mother?"

At that word, April let out a loud scream. She ripped all the tubes and wires of of her, ignoring the pain that all of a sudden coursed through her veins and ripped at her brain. She leaped out of bed and headed towards the monitor that records heart rate, which was letting out a high-pitched wail. April ripped it out of the wall and hurled it out the window. Three stories below, a red convertible alarm started going off.

"I need two millimeters of silicon, stat!" yelled the doctor. April turned towards him, his voice, instead of being soothing, made her head burn even more. "April, you need to calm down," he said in a soothing voice. She let out a bellow and rushed at him. He tried to grab her, but April ducked underneath his arms. She whirled around and punched him, hard, at the base of the neck, immediately knocking him unconscious.

Steps at the doorway drew April's attention. Standing there was a small herd of nurses, about three people big. April crouched and then threw herself into the herd. The nurses lunged at her. A hand held firmly to her shirt by her rib. April turned and bit it. The nurses screamed and let go. April ran down the hallway as fast as she could, causing shrieks and papers to fly everywhere.

Soon, she found the stairs and jumped down them. She burst out the door at the bottom and into the lobby. She sprinted towards the front doors. She was within ten feet when someone tackled her and shoved a syringe deep into her arm. April sprung up and tried to run, but her feet wouldn't work right. The floor came closer, but she was unconscious before she hit the cold marble floor.

* * *

April was awoken by the same beeping sound that had awoken her before. She tried to sit up, but April found that she couldn't move. Her eyes flew open and she immediately started to struggle, the beeping sound increasing. The same warm hand rested on her shoulder again.

"Calm down," said the doctor. "There is nothing to worry about. All we've done is restrained you so that you can't hut others--or yourself--again."

With a sigh, April stopped. She noticed that she was no longer in her little room, but instead a room with glass walls. Through them, she could see a lone nurse taping away at her computer. The doctors' voice drew her attention again.

"I think you need to answer some questions. These questions could help find what is wrong with you."

"Why do you think that there is something wrong with me?" demanded April.

"Because you are not acting like a normal person. You attack a doctor--me, in fact--race down halls, cause destruction, rip out your IV, and all at the mention of your mother."

At the word, a growl escaped April's lips.

"See?" cried the doctor. "You have to admit, that is not normal!"

April let out another sigh and said, "You're right. I have no idea what has gotten into me. It is as though a demon has taken over my body." April noticed that the doctor's eyes widened a little bit, but she dismissed the fact. "I'll answer your questions, because I think that it may lead to curing me. But, in return, you have to answer all of my questions."

The doctor nodded and said, "I think that is a good arrangement." He pulled up a chair picked up a clipboard and asked, "Why did you react the way that you did at the mention of your mother?"

"Because I hate her," April spat. "All my life, all she has done is make my life miserable. She's made me do all these things for her and she gave me back nothing in return. The only thing that I did get was the clothes on my back and the food in my stomach. What is your name?"

"Dr. John Gregory Winchester. What kind of things would she do to make you hate her so?" Dr. Winchester asked.

April sighed once again. "Oh, where do I start?" she asked herself. "She made me do chores and yelled at me the whole time for not doing my homework. Then, when I did my homework, she would yell at me for not doing the chores. She would make me do the foulest of things. Please, do not ask about them. I would rather not remember." A single tear slipped silently down her cheek. "How many people did I hurt on my...rampage?"

"About two," Dr. Winchester replied. "You bit the nurse, and you knocked over an old man, causing him to break a hip." April winced. "Do you mind telling me your address and phone number?"

"Sure," said April. "I live on 92 Ledge Road in Coventry, Rhode Island. My phone number is 397-7767. Are you going to call my mother?"

"Maybe. It depends."

"Depends on what?"

"What happened that made you forget the last two years. Maybe your mother can help. Maybe your mother is the cause. Maybe your mother isn't even there. What about your dad?"

"He's dead. What do you mean she may not be there?"

"Well," began Dr. Winchester. "You forgot the past two years. You could have moved to Alabama for all you know. I think that is all that I need. I will tell you if anything comes up or if we need more information."

Dr. Winchester was about to leave the room when April spook up. "Dr. Winchester?" He turned back towards her. "Can you have these restraints removed? And can I have a mirror? I probally look different than I have two years ago."

Dr. Winchester smiled and said, "I think that can be arranged."


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47 Reviews


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Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:53 pm
dragnet says...



Thanks. No, it is not my real phone number. I took a road from my town and added a number. I took my friends phone number and changed one number. I'm not stupid enough to post my personal info on line! My parents would kill me if i did!




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Mon Dec 08, 2008 10:36 pm
archer123 wrote a review...



Well written. I is a lot better than the first version.

I live on 92 Ledge Road in Coventry, Rhode Island. My phone number is 397-7767


Is this your real address and phone no.? I wouldn't use that if it is, people could start calling your house or show up. People you don't want to meet.

I think everything is a bit sudden with the asking of questions. it seems rushed. Pace it out a little bit. Have the nurse at the computer get up and pull the doctor out in the hallway behind the glass window. Have April watch as the doctor and the nurse talk. Have the nurse and the doctor look at her like people do at school when they are talking about you. Maybe April starts to get nervous and as the doctor comes back in have April wipe the thin sheen of persperation off of her forehead.



It was really good. I would like to read more. Please pm me if you have more or make changes to this one. I will be more than happy to critique it!!




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Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:15 am
dragnet says...



I do watch House. Sorry, it's just that this part isn't really important, and I want to get to the part that is--memory being regained




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Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:51 am
Jiggity wrote a review...



April's head was hurting so bad, like an ax was being driven into her skull, it was almost impossible to think.


You don't need to keep repeating her name. Gets annoying after a while. 'Her' will do fine. Also, substitute the last comma for a period. 'It was almost impossible to think' should stand alone.

There was a soft sound of shoes moving across the room, then a door opening and closing


Ack, but I'm cursed to continually tell people to stop using 'then'! Stop it; its bad for your health

"You came into the ER complaining of a massive headache that you [s]that you[/s] claimed to have had for three days. You collapsed, and you've been in a coma for the past two days."


repetition there.

Standing there was a small herd of nurses, about three people


Reword: Standing there was a small herd of three nurses.

April crouched and then threw herself into the herd. The nurses lunged at her.


'then'! Destroy it! Also, this was a really comical image of the nurses and April lunging at one another, haha. Loved it.

A hand held firmly to her shirt by her rib


er, awkwardly worded. Why not just say 'A hand was holding her firmly. She turned and bit it.'

The nurses screamed and let go


only one got bit

causing shrieks and papers to fly everywhere.


reword: shrieks and papers flying everwhere

April was awoken by the same beeping sound that had awoken her before


Awkward sentence. Reword: April was awoken by a familiar beeping sound.

All we've done is restrained you so that you can't hut others--or yourself--again."


corrections - 'restrain' - 'hurt'

I probally look different [s]than I have two years ago[/s]."


probably - 'I probably look different now.'

**

Hello again! I'm glad to see you've worked on this. It's definitely better than before - I still have a problem with the Doctor's dialogue - I think you need to watch House if you don't already, pay attention to the way they talk.

Also, I think the sudden exchanging of information was a bit abrupt - throughout, you tell more than you show, but it was good that we got more details and clues about what was happening. I just suggest you find another way of doing it.

Cheers





The idea that a poem was a made thing stayed with me, and I decided then that I wanted to be an artist, not just a diarist. So I put myself through a kind of apprenticeship in writing poetry, and I understood even then that my practice as a poet was deeply related to my reading.
— Edward Hirsch