Jiggity

Kitty! You should write more often, dude. I didn't really agree with most of the above points and when I was reading it I noticed one or two things but ...

This was a bit of a nothing piece, in my opinion. You describe your favourite sound and that's it; you didn't go into all the variations of noise, didn't differentiate ...

Yeah, there's way too much here. Delete the second post and re-submit it as a separate thread. Even then, is this an entire feature film script? You can't have put ...

Hm. Why have you formatted in such a way? At first I thought it was to create a parralell effect - to have two streams of thought that said separate ...

Hey, Cal. There was something about being stuck in a bland, portable classroom, which felt just like one of those fifth wheel trailers if it had been made out of ...

First off, I see you're new, so welcome! Now, let's get to it, shall we? :wink: On the Colour Gray Okay, so the repetition of gray got to be very ...

Hey, I thought this was really good but as it tells a story more than anything else, it should probably be in Narrative Poetry. For the most part, the rhyming ...

The snow was blown around in great clumps, its chill sending the people [s]who had business at Gatekeepers[/s] hurrying through the gold double doors into the building That's a horrid ...

Subconsciously, she espies the mark on her back, the worst of them all. I don't think you can subconsciously espy anything, actually. I understand what you mean - she sees ...

I feel like running" she said, But the weeping water below her words Said more "Follow me" she whispered, Her breath is wet now, And with a desperate bounding run ...

As we laugh away Christmas night A girl baths in the napalm light bathes her breath come short her heart goes taut comes short * I don't really know what ...

Well, this was boring. You know the whole telling, not showing shebang that you hear as regards narrative writing? The same applies for poetry - there are exceptions obviously, but ...

The hill on which it stood loomed before me, the towering, leafless trees cast shadows across the lawn [s]making me feel as if I were being watched.[/s] Sometimes, throughout this ...

I didn't like the opening - it was, in my opinion, a tad overdone. At least it was when compared to the rest of it. Smile at it every night ...

I think this poem will work better in present tense. I really liked this guy and he liked me. The day he gave me the rose it was white. It ...