Published December 12, 2008
Here's a little something I wrote for my American Lit. class in school.
So, what's your favorite sound? =)
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No Better Sound
There’s no better sound,
Than the sound of the night,
When everything sleeps,
When all is right.
No better sound,
Than the sounds of your dreams,
Like a euphony of notes,
Playing various themes.
2008 Vincent Cuccolo
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I appreciate the honest feedback, guys.
I might improve this piece sometime!
I think I have mixed feelings about this piece. Nice and short, of course, but trying to figure out if it works this way or not.
The overall impression I have is positive; nothing is over-qualified (which is refreshing on this site) and it's easy to understand. But one negative thing is the ill-fitted punctuation: It's clear that you're trying to get across the rhythm of each line but there isn't any need for a comma after each one. It should be minimal here, you could even get away with only having the full stops after both stanzas as they're the essentials. If you must, the place to put in commas is after the second lines of the two stanzas, although this may interfere with your desired rhythm.
Otherwise, it's a nice little piece. The second stanza outweighs the first in terms of quality so I'd suggest making this comparison and tweaking it where you see appropriate (it wouldn't be right for me to make creative contributions, all I'd say that the last two lines' rhythm and rhyme don't compliment the first two as well as they could and therefore the stanza doesn't shine as bright as it might be able to).
Imagery-wise, I enjoyed the poem. Very tranquil and profound in a modest manner. Keep it up
Me too. I liked your concept, but your execution was found wanting. You need to go into a greater depth with your treatment of the subject. Maybe something for the first stanza like:
"There's no better sound
Than the sound of the night:
The music of a thousand stars
That fills my ears with silvery bite."
Do you see how I'm not summing up, as you did? Even with this very crude example, I'm expressing my thoughts as an image, not as a statement. Images (and not cliches, either) are vital if you want to produce successful, showing poetry. They make the reader do what he/she does best: work their imagination, set it free. Telling (stating, summing up, "When all is right") makes the reader skim lightly over the surface of what you're saying instead of getting stuck straight into the action of the scene.
I know this is a common problem with novices and with time, effort and practice, you'll sort this out!
Good luck! Keep writing!
Gahks
6/10
Sorry, I'm going to have to agree with Jiggity. Nice poem, good flow, and grammar etc but you really didn't "express" anything here. And it kind of contradicts itself. First it says, NO BETTER sound than night. But then, you come back and say theres no better sound than dreams. which one? If I were you, I would stick to the night and then give examples for the other stanzas. Ex:
Now, expand on that concept for one stanza. And then do the same thing for "when everything is right"
Good luck writing for your Lit class!
by the way, my favorite sound is the sound of music (any type except country, screamo rock, and "extreme" rap)
This was a bit of a nothing piece, in my opinion. You describe your favourite sound and that's it; you didn't go into all the variations of noise, didn't differentiate between good and bad, between music, sound, and noise.
Rather than explore the chosen sound in complete depth you give a rather perfunctory description that I found lacking.
Didn't you just say there was no better sound than that of night? Technically, it should be impossible to even repeat the first line let alone continue with another noise.
Also, it changes from the singular 'sound' to the plural of 'sounds' - adjust, please.
Cheers