JFW1415

This has been edited. I mainly used Icaruss's critique, and I ended up taking out the girl's death scene. So, two questions for all of you: 1) I want the ...

Edited. Please critique! And thank you all sooo much, especially Black Ghost - you've all made very good points and I've tried to incorporate most of your thoughts in here. ...

Well. I have no idea why this was dug up, it's sort of embarrassing. Although I do kinda like it, it's not really good and JFW pretty much summed it ...

I love this piece, I had to read it a few times to get everything, and even still I think there are more layers waiting for me. I think Black ...

*Cowers* That's what I get for being lazy and not rereading the edited version a bunch before posting, eh? xD At least I didn't have tense changes! Haha. Anyways, thank ...

This has been completely edited. I think I just needed to be yelled at by Heather. xD I like this version a lot better, so please critique? And thank you ...

I'm back, as promised. xD Nit-Picks The dry branches were shaken, softly, I'd ditch those two commas – they slow us down too much. crumpled, I'd ditch that comma for ...

Hey, gryf. I'm finally getting around to critiquing the future chapters, and I saw that this was editing. I figured I'd take another look, and hopefully actually be some help ...

This has been thoroughly edited. I would love all feedback you could give me, as I tried my best to incorperate everything you guys said. (I had the most trouble ...

It's okay...I don't know...I just am really disappointed with myself at this point. I thought I had a really good idea and it just keeps coming out crappy! I have ...

Edited! I tried to use all of your comments, but to Jare: I'm just a weirdo with my dashes, so. XD> Ooers! But that might mean less words? Si, it ...

Aw! Thank you so much JFW! ^__^ I do see what you mean - I went back through that segment and deleted some things, and I'll probably eventually give the ...

JFW = You're a harsh but amazing reviewer (just what I need!) There is an awful lot of telling, I see that now - but I don't think I'm gonna ...

*Boogies* More dirt!!! Nit-Picks My best friend is my dirt. It’s my best friend because it’s mine. Just like Teddy. Mommy won’t buy me any new toys, so I love ...

Edited. :) The last flash-back needs a lot of help. Anyone willing to rip it to shreds? Thanks for the reviews, guys! ~JFW1415