JC

Anne did not desire the following day to start This is awkwardly worded, and at first I had to spend a while making sense of it. Upon this her mother ...

I had managed to find myself some small black shoes, so my feet were protected from the bitter ice that swathed the pavements. Not that I would have been able ...

somehow would not relinquish her. I think the 'somehow' should be replaced with 'for some reason'. It fits better with the word relinquished. Blushing with embarrassment, Anne wished they would ...

First of all, welcome to YWS. I'm JC. If you've got any questions or critique requests, you know where to find me. Now, for the fun part. The worst kinds ...

pupils dilated Just why are her pupils dilated? the serene walk the new cream slippers caused her to adopt. I find this wording to be awkward, thought I know not ...

She clutched the basket with gloved fingers and glared at any man trying to make advances on her. Why not show this with an action, a scene. As opposed to ...

Seated in the creaking armchair, thin legs crossed. Her slippered feet hung off the ankles at odd slants. The flimsy sleeve of her blue muslin frock loosely hung off her ...

I’m you’re down for anything chick. 1. Wrong form of the word. Should be 'your' 2. This should be written as, "I'm your down-for-anything chick." There’s a buzzing in the ...

Well, I'm no poet, let me tell you that. But I believe that there are a few things that a prose reader can point out, and seeing as it's all ...

When I was normal, when I had friends and spoke up during class, when my life hadn’t been changed by Will Sheldon, I loved insignificant facts. This is awkwardly formatted. ...

They’re making up plots And checking out books Gotta do research It’s really required. NaNoWriMo’s coming to town. This part was awkward, but who cares. It's great. The weather is ...

Pleasant View High had about hundred kids in each grade. Generally, you would say students, as opposed to kids. Kids makes it sound young. Or maybe that's just a personal ...

The way it all began was pretty fuzzy for me. It was odd; I could remember the planes and angles of his face, and the deep timbre of his voice, ...

There are a few things you should clear up to make this better: How are Love and Death related to the ending? Why would they both want to stop it? ...

I promised I would try to get to this: _______________________________ When I was new to the school, kids had made an effort A few things here: you seem to have ...