Incandescence

Age and Sleep: Revision Forever ours is hope but we are men of shells, and passing years and days are silver sounding bells. Returning joys are dreams and age embraces ...

Hi all, Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I will consider your comments in future versions. xanthan_gum-- The pauses, as said before, are probably irritating because of ...

worgs, "that it relies on Catholicism doesn't change that (in fact I love the subject matter and where it could lead!)." I think that is your answer. Another draft of ...

Hi all, Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. This is, indeed, junk. worgs-- I have never heard of the writer having to motivate in fiction; that is, ...

Cornelius, I will answer in the order of your response. (1) Your lines are sporadic; some are short and fast while others are long and drawn out. This might be ...

Jiggity, The only help for this is the trash can. What is it but four (incoherent) sentences that have awkward, unthoughtful linebreaks? There are no clever phrases, no startling images, ...

Jiggity-- In any critique left by a user, they do not assume that they should have any influence over what the author does. As a reviewer, one can only say ...

Guys, In contemplating the remark about being generally abstract, let me throw out one more idea that I've been trying to formulate (and maybe you all can help me with ...

worgs-- Yes. First, that you do not feel like this is something we have all suffered is an issue I already adressed in my first comment (the piece is too ...

PS. Another suggestion, which you can ignore, is to try and write your next couple of poems without using 'I' or 'me'. The use of the first person does seem ...

Hi Jack, My above remarks were written in a time-crunch, and this deserves more than that. If I may, I'd like to shorten the piece in a way that I ...

Guys, Let's try to keep this on topic. Thanks. Worgs, I am going to respond here to your PM, since this is a more suitable place for discussions of attempts ...

Slickjimmy, Recursive comments should lead you to assume you have not improved. Best, Brad

Snoink, This was a pleasurable read. It was something I might expect to stumble upon in a Shel Silverstein book. No serious comments, since this does not beckon seriousness. Keep ...

>=O And where am I? Hmmm? Seriously, though, this was nicely constructed, and I especially liked Samantha. =]