Incandescence

Cal-- I remember reading this and thinking, "A testimony to confusion by more confusion!" I love it! Of course, I'm biased, and yes, I am flattered easily. Clear solution: send ...

Hi mer, The main culprit here is the language. You're taking an anthropomorphic approach to the Church - the observations, motivations, and the god-awful conclusion are all too cavalier - ...

Chantel-- This is about as poor as anything I've seen posted here. Physically: It begins with absent meter and quickly abandons that. Punctuation is erratic throughout. The language overall is ...

theluckyflower-- This reminds me of a little, oft-repeated love tale that is usually better presented as a County and Western song. Neither the situation, the phrasing or the characters offers ...

LiNdSeY07-- Please tell me this was a joke. It could hardly pass off as poetry (more like terrible prose with even worse linebreaks). Don't be duped: just because people can ...

Greetings photoboothx

Pimp-- This has lots of possibilities. I had a feeling of satisfaction after reading it the first time. As if I had been some place real, run up against some ...

Cal-- A very fine combination of voice and subject, well arranged on the page so that the reading and the action are self-reinforcing. I had a problem with the morass ...

jumping_jacks 142, You're joking, right? I'm sorry I can't be excited about this. There's nothing new here. You will appreciate that there are a million poems about exes around here, ...

Sara-- There is too much happening in too small a space. It has possibilities, but needs more than the Cliff Notes treatment. Either pare down your scope or make this ...

LetMeLive, There's not much to get excited about with this: it is a self-absorbed "woe is me"-type poem about how life has passed you by. This reader does not care ...

Cal-- This isn't working for me. I'll assume the narrator is a spectator/recorder of events. There's some minor interest in trying to determine which sequence applies to which outcome, but ...

carelessaussie13-- I think we can all identfiy the motivation for writing a poem like this, but the execution is terribly weak. Your poem is filled with the most common sort ...

Miss*Mary, Welcome to the YWS Poetry Forum. Let me start by saying bubblewrapped hinted at but never directly stated the underlying pathology of this piece. Besides being cliche, telling instead ...

in_too_deep, The best thing about this is its length. If it were shortened by an additional eleven lines, it would be even better. Frankly, this is junk, and every line ...