Incandescence

lin night, This is a bunch of navel-gazing that goes nowhere fast. The association to used rags and crooked smiles established in the opening strophe is abandoned almost before it's ...

Kim... Good God. "Standing on ground that is not sure Crying out even though You’ve been silent for so long" This is enough to make experienced readers vomit. Consider dropping ...

jwoot14, "Pure instinct" is not a veritable excuse for murder, theft, adultery or sloppy writing. The magnitude of grammatical errors (riddling it from L1) make me wonder why I, or ...

azure, The tense-shift that occurs throughout this is enough to undercut its legitimacy as a serious attempt. Either you don't understand tenses or you were simply grabbing for rhymes that ...

Lil_Pau, I, for one, would like to see more quality than quantity. All four of the poems you have just posted suffer from a rhyme scheme that render the poems ...

Dear abbisnall, Suzanne's suggestion isn't the solution: grammar is not going to save this. If there were one interesting turn-of-phrase, one less-than-clichéd caricature of modern life a la coffee s

Kylan-- A nice idea here behind the writing. Notice, though, that S1, like the strophes that follow, is weighed down with a bunch of useless adjectivial description. Fat-trimming will help. ...

alleycat13, As an exercise in rhyming, this was a decent attempt. There weren't any new rhymes I found particularly engaging or exciting, but nothing dismally worrisome, either. As for an ...

Lucifer, The first chunk of this reads like overmodified prose. I assume "twine" is the descriptor you've chosen for "hair"--a metaphor that simply clunks to its death almost before it's ...

Edward Scissorhands, I think this qualifies as a disaster. The presentation on the page adds nothing. The structure of the first sentence is a jumbled run-on that seems carelessly thrown ...

Sara - Dried palms crumple to the soil of these streets, blazing fields of sunsets on every **'blazing' is unnecessary and throws off the sonics. I'd combine this line with ...

xhalcyonx128, This is at best poor poetry. I think we've all seen this kind of poem condemning materialist lifestyle a hundred times before and suspect we'll see it hundreds of ...

TheBluePoet, This starts out flat with the first line being demonstratively self-referential and never gaining momentum henceforth. A better medium for this might be a fiction narrative where you can ...

Sureal, Oh my goodness, no. 1. An overabundance of first-person references, much in the form of a diary entry. 2. Arbitrary linebreaks. 3. Over-modified imagery notable only for its length. ...

Lindsaroo. This is a tired narrative (e.g. The Lovely Bones ) rehashed in tired verse. Please make an effort to write from yourself, not from fictionalized/serialized accounts of other people. ...