Hannah

ooh, and you need a new title.

i'm just saying, it's hard to finger paint onto glass, but this is delicious.

ugh, thank you pingu. so helpful. really, especially the reminder that the syntax is going to jar you out of it. i knew as soon as i finished that in ...

thank you, shino! i will definitely give more of the characters. i'd like to, so i will. could you maybe let me know the particular points at which you got ...

thank you for your comments, and i agree with you about expanding more on blue and dina. i made a conscious effort to get one sight of blue and then ...

thank you very much for your review. i hope you can accept the fact that though capital letters are in the commonly accepted conventions of literature, they do not, in ...

Molly, first of all, whoops! We click on it from the front page and don't pay attention to the fact that it's in lyrics. We just look at how it's ...

What's crazy is the first time I read this, I think I understood the second half better and this time I read it and could grasp the whole of the ...

You have a lot of good reviews on this piece already, I think. I feel like, however, you can give us this story in a shorter space if you structured ...

I'm working on revisions, but it would be helpful if you would remember that though I have to split this story into two parts for easy YWS reading, the meaning ...

Ooh, that's an interesting idea! Yes! Definitely see if it's necessary to the story, and how you can gently let it into the plot. If it doesn't flow or if ...

Thanks for the feedback, both of you, but this was written over a year ago! *Locked.*

Yeah, I would say that including the song might not be necessary. It might fit with what you're attempting, but what you're attempting doesn't lose anything by taking out the ...

It feels incomplete and rushed. ... The end result, then, is limp. ... but none of them felt original, it came across as quite generic. ... we didn't end up ...

Girls, please don't dig up old topics to post on unless the author has specifically asked you to. More often than not, the author is not looking for feedback on ...