Don't give up on sci-fi! Science fiction needs cool writers like you 
Jiggity wrote:It feels incomplete and rushed.
...
The end result, then, is limp.
...
but none of them felt original, it came across as quite generic.
...
we didn't end up caring because neither protagonist or fool were fully fleshed enough to begin with.
...
I expect better from you, honestly.
Hey Hannah,
I'm going to be quick with this, as per your request and say that I didn't get much out of this. It feels incomplete and rushed. The nature of the stakes at hand and the importance of the scene to the protagonist aren't explained, though there's some hint it's not enough to give the scene any tension at all.
The end result, then, is limp.
Most of the science fiction elements were well established and integrated, but none of them felt original, it came across as quite generic. The main problem with this is the "twist" of the fool having come up with the plan -- it feels as though you slapped that on at the end for the hell of it and it didn't add anything to the characters, we didn't end up caring because neither protagonist or fool were fully fleshed enough to begin with.
What I'm saying is this: it's stale. And you failed to make me feel or care in any way about the world, the outcome of the scene, or the characters, though the descriptions were all written well enough. I expect better from you, honestly.
Good luck with the contest though. One way or the other, I hope you revise this.
Cheers
120,615 Literary Works • 651,087 Reviews
Points: 6517
Reviews: 798
Donate