Hannah

Hmmm. Interesting. First off, I think you can lose the bulk of the first paragraph. Why spend time trying to quickly describe the desert when you're going to actually go ...

Yo, man. Here's what I think. I think you want to dismiss the normal way of doing things and you want people to laugh in the process. I imagine going ...

Here we are. I'm so excited. You've got me hooked and I want to keep reading more, so congratulations, my friend! Let's dive in! and she earned herself a caning ...

Hello again~ I'm so glad to be back. Let's get right into it, okay? cried a woman, somewhere, in a shrill little voice. There you go again with the "little". ...

I'm here again~ only about a third of the girls and very few boys came by other means. What other means? By car? And more girls did this because they're ...

Alright~ Gonna be working my way through your piece so I can leave a proper review on chapter four. c: I am in love with the attitude of Effy almost ...

Hmm, I decided to come back here with a proper review for you. I can almost get the taste of this. Almost, but not quite. I've traveled myself, and I ...

Ah no! A big block! You can try to edit in your paragraphs by clicking on the edit button at the left side of the screen. Doing this will encourage ...

I like that you chose such a simple verb to focus on. It reminds me of different events I've seen at my school, like the walk of solidarity or the ...

Alright~ I am here because I am going to move on the second chapter after this. I'm glad you kept writing the same idea, though this seems posted much earlier ...

Okay. I think so far the premise is pretty interesting. You've got a story told from the point of view of people we don't usually hear stories from. I mean ...

Hmm. The tone of this piece is nice and strong. I feel how I think you want me to feel by the end: a quiet sadness, a distance emotion. You're ...

Wow! I am definitely surprised! Parts of this are very awesome. In fact, the whole end of this song, from "I'll be the grass" works well and I don't wanna ...

This is really beautiful. You have crafted a quiet moment full of meaning in just a couple of paragraphs, and I'm super impressed. First, though, I have to recommend that ...

You have the right instincts. You repeat the strongest stanza (other than the one you started with). This is a compelling idea and I think it works well with the ...