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Re: The Scient Witch: Prologue [Now Edited]
Hey and welcome to YWS! The rating seemed fine. I have a hard time rating these things myself, but I think this is okay. I was a bit confused in ...
May 26, 2008 -
Re: The Brink
I figured out that Jason had died right when he was talking about how no one would acknowledge him. Very sad. I liked how you led into it gradually and ...
May 24, 2008 -
Re: Mend my broken heart
“You too, dorm partner!” Henry looked up in surprise, I'd make the bit starting with "Henry" its own paragraph, since at first I thought that Henry was talking and I ...
May 24, 2008 -
Re: Winds of Change Chapter 1
Hey there. I saw your post earlier about this idea. It's great that you got it on paper so fast. Whoops... Those first two lines seem really familiar. I would ...
May 24, 2008 -
Re: Dear Dom
Welcome to YWS! Very nice. My biggest concern was that the letters weren't seperated from the prose or each other in any way and so I thought they were continuations ...
May 24, 2008 -
Re: Saving Michael
Hehe... In the first paragraph, I thought this was about an older woman and her 20-year-younger boyfriend. Let's just say by the second paragraph, I was mortified at how dirty ...
May 23, 2008 -
Re: Machinations #2 (part 2)
Yeah, I would do something about the cell=phone. It's amazing how far something can come in ten years or so, no? I remember my parents' cell-phones in '96 or so. ...
May 23, 2008 -
Re: Machinations #2 (part 1)
Very, very nice. Seriously, you are just killing me with this thing. It's just too wonderful. Charlotte does get pretty unprofessional pretty fast. Perhaps you could get a little more ...
May 23, 2008 -
Re: Machinations #1 (part 2)
Wow. This is pretty amazing stuff. I was a little disoriented through some of it, but then it picked right back up and I was able to figure out what ...
May 23, 2008 -
Re: Machinations #1 (part 1)
Wow. This is so worldly, I'd love to see where the fantastical twist comes in... Very nice writing here on your part. I love the taunt, sharp style. Nikola looked ...
May 23, 2008 -
Re: Emerald Heart
I liked the writing on this. I'd love to know just what it was that Skits did, since he really does seem so guilty about it and it was something ...
May 19, 2008 -
Re: The story of a very interesting character: me!
Interesting little autobio of yourself. I liked the wit that you brought into it. Very nice. I was most certainly not bored. *two thumbs up* Why exactly do you disagree ...
May 19, 2008 -
Re: Cancer
Wow, this is the first time I've seen something written in first person but referring to second person (strange how those two blend together so nicely here) that actually worked. ...
May 11, 2008 -
Re: The Long Walk Home
Ah! My eyes! Hehe... You need to reformat this just a bit. Put an extra space (by hitting "enter") between each new paragraph. It just makes it so much easier ...
May 11, 2008 -
Re: Never ending bliss~Chapter 1
So... I'm a little confused. Did she ever actually marry George? Or was that just a dream her unconscious self conjured up because she is actually in love with George? ...
May 11, 2008
