GryphonFledgling

Hello there! This was a little confusing in some places. Is some of this a memory? How much time passes between Gia staying with her grandmother and the fire? Take ...

*whoot* This was intriguing. Two things that I noticed: 1) Asa seems to get really cozy with David towards the end, to the point where they are laughing fairly comfortably ...

I second Hannah's question about how long Will was gone. Just how many weeks was he gone? You mention he comes back in August, but when did he leave? Everything ...

'Allo, 'allo... To get the two main talking points for this story out of the way: 1) The rating seemed fine for the language. I didn't mind the words, per ...

Erm... So if she stabbed him with her daggers, is he hurt? Where did she stab him? How deeply? Is he bleeding? O.o Seriously, that was all I could think ...

Hello there! I was a little confused by their relationship in this piece. Is it before they've met? Has Trista had experiences with non-humans before. Darian makes some comment about ...

I found the "not talking" kind of interesting. It confused me at first, but after a while, I just ran with it and found it pretty cool. The café was ...

'Allo! That guy was the only sole soul on the street. I like the voice you have for this character, but this particular line was a little silly. "Only" and ...

Whoa, was this like a Clockwork Orange / Akira crossover? Sweet... Dear Master, who art in the sky, prayed silently Elisha, glory to your power, save your poor slave Elisha. ...

Hey there and welcome to YWS! Hap and metalamor have already commented on the melodramaticness of the prose, so I won't. I did really like the duality of the heroine: ...

Hey-oh! Not going to nitpick too much, since I realize this is a draft and you're just putting words to paper for the NaNo-ness. One thing did really jump out ...

I was going to say something about the nearly run-on style, but it actually grew on me for this particular story. It just added something to it all. One thing ...

Hmmm... This intrigues me. Continue it? "Grr!" I let loose a furious growl. I don't really like the spelling out of the sound. It just sounds a little silly. Maybe ...

'ello, 'ello... What 'ave we 'ere? I like the dialogue in this piece. It feels nice and solid and real. A bit confused by the characters though. It seems like ...

Oooh, nice horror story. I can just see this being told around the campfire in the dark. which was comprised of his overly outgoing mom, his busy body dad, and ...