Gahks

Your ideas are interesting. The story itself, visually, needs a lot more work. Paragraphing would help space out your ideas and make your writing easier to read. The first two ...

This prologue needs action and description . You need to hit the ground running to draw the reader in. At the moment, it feels like padding. Make the characters do ...

Some interesting ideas here. However I feel the poem could benefit from a more regular stanzaic/rhyming structure. One stanza has five lines, the others four. Some of the verses have ...

Yeah, I think so. This is an extraordinary poem. Incredibly rich and subtle. I like the way you subvert the cliche "Then girl met boy." And of course the bitter ...

This was a gem. You really capture the sense of guilt in the speaker at not having done enough. I liked the crisp, end-stopped clauses and the occasional enjambement was ...

Good morning does sound like a chairman's job. Alas, it ruins the opening. Keep the housekeeping brief and go into your hook. The main problem with your speech is that ...

Hey there, I'll forgive you for not reviewing first before submitting. It's a great description, but I do agree with Sleeping Valour - you need to double space your paragraphs ...

The new version of the prologue looks a tad more interesting than the original. I think that's because in the second version you hit the ground running - you start ...

It's not that the lines are wrong but you've just chosen the wrong word. E.g. "postpone" in "I postpone the hour to dream" sounds forced and artificial. Similarly, "shocked" in ...

I liked the way the title forms the first line of the poem. But the things you describe are really quite shocking! The last verse, as other reviewers have said, ...

This is a great start! However, I feel that there are some things which, if corrected, would help enormously. Firstly, try to cut out all your adjectives. Only use the ...

This piece suffers from a lack of narrative data and too many taglines - she said this, he shouted that etc. These only add dead weight and dulls the flow ...

Yeah, this poem needs less cliche and more originality. What was it really like without your sister? A ghost of a presence, maybe? An echo that you couldn't quite hear? ...

Can poetry really be structured like that? I liked your repetition to begin with but it seemed overdone and artificial by the end. I like to use the rule of ...

This poem was an enjoyable read, but as other reviewers have said, it does need to keep within the rhyme scheme. The omission of the article in the last line ...