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Maybe... it would certainly help other readers understand it, and I think it really improves the individual's interpretation of its quality. :D

Just a question: shouldn't this be in one of the poetry forums? It certainly doesn't have enough substance to qualify as a stand-alone prose piece...

Well done, Sir Trident! ;) I think I'll bookmark this one... it's too priceless to lose in the forums.

Um.... *hugs Brad* Yay! Thank you! That works so much better than what I had... I really do appreciate it. :D

Thanks for the input, guys! Now that I know what needs working on, I'll start rewriting this.

Glad I could help! And if there's anything else you want me to critique, just PM me -- can't promise I'll get to it immediately (lots of reading for college, ...

I second what timjim said... but please. It's hyper and losing.

It's a pretty good attempt -- ten syllables to the line, language isn't too anachronistic, etc -- but it ain't Shakespeare unless it's in iambic pentameter.

Thanks, guys! Wow... those are some great crits. :D I'll definitely work on revising it.

Thanks, guys! Cassandra: I see what you mean about the long sentences; I'll do a bit of editing later and see what I can do to make that better. Imp: ...

Thanks guys! Like I said, it was just a freewrite; with your cc, I should be able to polish it up quite nicely. Ta!

Thanks for the crit, guys! And ANI - 'lingua ignota' is really just a fancy term for a secret or unknown language.

Thanks for the crit, guys! I see what you mean - I'll work on it and see if I can't fix this up a bit.

Thanks for all the crit, guys!

Thanks, Jiggity and Phorcys! :)