ExOmelas

Ok thanks. I'm going into Glasgow in a few minutes but after that I'll write the rest of chapter two (I'm about halfway through)

Hi there. So I'm from Britain, the country from whom your oppressors are celebrating independence. As you can imagine, I can't really relate to this. That being said, I felt ...

First of all, MissGanga mentioned description a while ago and I've updated since. Thank you for your advice. So far on this chapter it has all been really specific and ...

Sorry I didn't see this. Ok I understand now :-)

Yay I was hoping someone would ask to be notified about the next chapter :) thank you for your very specific criticism! I will add some description of it then ...

Hi, I'm working on adding a little bit about the two characters I mentioned. I was wondering if you think this is an okay sentence: "Josie Francis - a thirteen-year-old ...

Maybe have something insignificant (relating to Max's sadistic tendencies) happen and the chapter could just end with Andy seething about it.

Maybe at the end of this chapter she could get angry about something else entirely. That way the reader would be prepared for her to be angry in the next ...

For anger I would have Dee mutter a lot. Like: "That was almost very endearing" Dee muttered, "I too am fond of you Max." Other than that I'm not sure.

You're welcome :D

*mysterious voice* all will be revealed...

Thank you! I'll make these edits at school today :)

That's okay! I do the same :)

Oh and I think you should separate it into shorter paragraphs. :)

Wow that's really far. Hey, you could review something of mine if you want, to earn some coins. And you're welcome!