ExOmelas

Nitpicks: 'I created him, formed him to what he is now, I know he has good intentions, because his intentions are mine.' - should be a new sentence at 'I ...

You know when you copy and paste a poem from a site somewhere and all the formatting gets removed? This reminds me of that. Places just keep popping out at ...

'The metal stung her skin' - I think this would be a really great moment to mention how it's different from the burn of silver when she was a vampire. ...

'and then to the camera on ceiling' - there should be a 'the' between 'on' and 'ceiling'. 'He licked the top row as his teeth' - 'as' should be 'of'. ...

'It wasn’t always like this!' - I'm not sure what you're aiming for here, but this actually sounds quite excited and happy and up-beat. That doesn't really fit. 'But one ...

hey there :) ok, that last line should be in an Author's Note at the top, like this: [quote] A/N: Please don't laugh! This is my first poem I wrote ...

'She didn’t want to step foot back down there.' - 'step' should be 'set'. 'or he had stayed hidden like her and Caius' - there should be an 'if' between ...

'You can practically see a rain cloud over his head now.' - haha, this made me picture it as a comic book panel. Good work! '....Wait, what?' - I don't ...

I understand your point about the Snobby Girl but I just want you to know that there are some really awesome people who use Twitter regularly. I know countless people ...

'failed attempt to leaving through the front doors' - 'leaving' should be 'leave' or 'to' should be 'at'. I think the first change would make it smoother. 'More guests? she ...

'There was a wide expanse of space in the middle for sparing' - 'sparing' should be 'sparring'. 'There blades where so fast they were blurs' - 'There' should be 'Their'. ...

'rain and literature fight when forced too close (literature becomes a mess of pulp between covers)' - up to now the piece had been quite serious and this gave a ...

'He sighed, rubbing his forehead, now.' - I don't understand the purpose of the comma here. 'I let them both deeper into my consciousness, feeling my emotions settle enough tears ...

'Mom and dad were fighting again. That’s the third time today.' - this is a direct tense contradiction. 'were' should be 'are'. 'She is the only one aloud out of ...

'A sinking feeling hit her hard when she didn’t burn.' - Did she want to burn? It was what she was used to. It was the whole idea that she ...