Evi

Mochi pointed out the capitalization and numbers already, so I'll focus more on the overall things. :arrow: Grammar and Presentation Like Mochi mentioned, start a new paragraph whenever someone new ...

Tenyo! Evi here to review. Sam and Kira where already there. Where needs to be "were". Kira had risen onto her tiptoes and tilted back her head to hug Sam, ...

Mimi! It's been a while since I've seen you around. ;D Hope you're here to stay for a little bit. Poetry critiques aren't my best, but hopefully this will be ...

Hey Skins; here as requested. I haven't read any of the previous installments, so you'll have to bear with me! His voice was more or less drained out by the ...

Here as requested, Flower. ;) No, it doesn't matter, because it doesn't change a thing I still love you, and we still can't be because of this thing inside my ...

It's me again! The small room is filled with many clothes, costumes, hats, and jewelry. In one corner sits a bureau with make-up scattered on it. Different sized shoes littered ...

Here as requested! Sorry for the delay. I stood in the small, grassy meadow. Tiny orange flowers softly illuminated my vision. The bubbling of a nearby creek filled my ears ...

Hey Sophie, I'm Evi! ^_^ Thanks you for using my WRFF thread. “A shame,” he murmured as he clutched her chin and tilted her head this way and that . ...

Hello! You already have a number of critiques on the other installments, so I'm just going to review this last one. Keep in mind I haven't read the beginning, so ...

Hello! I'm Evi. my face was twisted with melancholy Here's a good example for me to point out showing vs telling, which is something you'll hear in YWS critiques all ...

Hey Auteur. For me, the first thing you need to do is chop this paragraph up into smaller paragraphs. Right now it's like being served a twelve pound chunk of ...

Haha, this is good. I enjoyed it immensely. *likes* Since this story is already very good as a whole, I'm going to comment on some of the really little things ...

Hey Gal. My problem with this is that it's not something that I'm going to remember. It's like taking a five-minute stroll through a familiar park on your way somewhere ...

Hello, Zerog! I'm Evi, and I enjoyed this. It's written very well. “I’m good, thanks.” He responded when the waitress began growing uneasy under his cold stare. In the paragraph ...

Hello Bailey! I, too, love your avatar. ^_^ In the first stanza-- how does never-ending rainfall keep the sun from rising? You might be trying to say that, metaphorically, rain ...