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Re: My character's bios~Sidney's Children Meets Youtube(Part 1)
Hello! Raven here for a quick review! Nitpicks! Sidney is a 45 years old woman who had a lot of mixed species children. I wouldn't use 'species' there. Maybe race? ...
Jun 23, 2014 -
Re: Wicked itelligence 2
Hello! Raven here for a review! Nitpicks!!! Woah, okay let me start with the first thing I saw... "Hi welcome to our home." I said breathing out, trying to relax. ...
Jun 21, 2014 -
Re: Start of book. Comments lots.
Hey, Raven here to do a quick review! Thoughts over all Woah, big first paragraph, dude(tte). Very discouraging to the reader, it actually off-putting for me the first couple of ...
Jun 20, 2014 -
Re: Sidney's Children Meets Youtube~ Chapter
Hello, Raven here for a review. You might want to title this Sidney's Children Meets Youtube~ Rewrite I was very confused. Nitpicks! "Le dîner est servi(Dinner is served)," You need ...
Jun 16, 2014 -
Re: The Battle. Chapter 2.
Hey, Raven here with a review. Nitpicks! "If we make it out here alive, would you go out with me." Exchange the period for a question mark. And, maybe you ...
Jun 11, 2014 -
Re: The Battle. Prolouge
Hi! Raven here for a review! As I say almost every review, you need to show not tell. I will go into that in the latter part of this review. ...
Jun 10, 2014 -
Re: Sidney's Children Meets Youtube~ Prologue (Part 1)
Hey, Raven here for a review! I like the story you have so far. Mary's powers overtaking her, evil Mary persuading her. Just a few nitpicks. Nitpicks! Her feet clucked ...
Jun 9, 2014 -
Re: Death Has No Friends
Hello! Raven here for a review. Now, this was hard to read. Not only because you had it all in one paragraph, but it was also bold. I, personally would ...
Jun 8, 2014 -
Re: Try again - Chapter one: Normal day
Hello, Raven here to review. Now, I shall first say... WELCOME TO YWS! Now that I have said that, I'll get to the nitpicks. Nitpicks! They way you start of ...
Jun 6, 2014 -
Re: dfa
Hey, Raven here for a review. I am not one to review poetry. But this is... WOW. I am wondering what inspired you to write this. I mean, one word ...
May 28, 2014 -
Re: Problems that could happen in real life
Hello, Raven here for a review! You need some more description, the reader barely knows what is going on. I would suggest going here: Writers Corner and here: Ask an ...
May 27, 2014 -
Re: Present Does not Fix the Past: Chaper I (Updated)
Hey, Raven here for a review! I understand this is a draft. But, I am going to review anyway. Nitpicks! The next day came, and he had to attend college, ...
May 26, 2014 -
Re: Lost Magic. Chapter 7
Hello, Raven here for a review! Now, this seems a little... dry. As I say every review, you need more descriptions. Descriptions make it so the reader can see what ...
May 25, 2014 -
Re: Chapters 4-6 of the Z.A.A.C. Initiative
Hello, Raven here for a review. Nitpicks! a smiling(too much) lady with TONS of makeup on waved us in. Space between the left parentheses and 'smiling'. “Yes, we are(Bellatrix again).” ...
May 20, 2014 -
Re: Chapter 3 Z.A.A.C. Initiative
Hi, Raven here to do another review! I said this in the first segment but your characters still seem a bit unbelievable. Yes, most heroes abilities are unreal, but those ...
May 19, 2014