Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Jimmy went to the scheduled meeting place and stood there and waited. He stood there in the dark of midnight and lit a cigar. Jimmy pulled out an expensive looking pocket watch with a gold chain that attached it to his pocket. He opened the clasp and observed the face of the watch with a sharp gaze. "Damn it! He's late!" Jimmy whispered to himself. He wondered where his friend was. This was a deal they had made when they were both twenty and moving away. The pact was to meet at the same dinner that they always hung out in when they were teens. Jimmy wondered if his friend forgot and was doing so well that he couldn't come. Or God forbid, he didn't want to come. They had been friends for as long as the sun rose and set. He wondered how his old friend was doing. If he had met a fine girl who cared for him and they had gone off to live in a suburban home. That was a thought that made him chuckle to himself. His friend always had a way with the ladies. The same question rang over and over in his head. "Why hadn't he shown up yet?" Soon a man's shadow creeped across Jimmy's gaze and made him glance in its direction. The man lit a cigar as he walked closer to jimmy. The man had a black trench coat on which was not buttoned, so jimmy could see he was wearing a black suit and tie under it. His shoes made a squeaking sound as they brushed the pavement. Jimmy glanced away and brought out his pocket watch again. That was Jimmy's prized possession. He had that watch since he said goodbye to his old friend at that very diner. He stared at his watch with his eyes saying that it was the time's fault. He wondered and wondered when was his friend gonna get there he had so much to find out and so much to catch up on. Jimmy looked up an glared at the street light. The light began to get hazey and he looked away. It now started to rain. Jimmy shifted his vision from the light to the man in the over coat. The man gave him a nod and headed over to Jimmy. "Oh God," Jimmy said to himself. The man came over and stood in front of Jimmy out in the rain. "You're Jimmy Henderson, correct?" "Yes I am," Jimmy responded. "I have news about your friend, John and why he couldn't be here. He found a nice girl named Cassandra. They settled down and got engaged. The wedding was this summer and he wanted you to be his best man." "Why are you talking about him in past tense?" Jimmy asked. "Because he... eh...he is uh I'm so sorry." "He died two days ago during a robbery gone wrong. He tried to stop it. He's a damn hero. I'm so so sorry. Truly I am." The man then walked away and disappeared into the darkness of the rainy night. "God Damn it! Why why did this happen to him? What did he do? That's right, it's not your fault God it's Death's. Because Death has no friends he has to take mine! Screw you Death! Screw you and all your angels of hell. You should spend your days lonely cause you'll never have anyone in your life! You'll be a sad being that's alone! You don't get to be called a man cause no man could do this!" Jimmy screamed into the sky with the rain pouring on his face. Jimmy then took his pocket watch out of his pocket and held it in his hands. "It's not fair! I don't deserve this and neither did he! Things don't happen for a reason. That's just stupid." Jimmy took his pocket watch and hung it on the door. "That one's for you, John. That one's for you." Jimmy turned away and didn't look back. He walked away with tears in his eyes and not caring his cursed Death and his angels of hell. Jimmy wiped away his tears as he stared at the street light again, but this time the light was more hazey then before. He didnt care.
Oh dear....well, this story ended up being a lot sadder than I was expecting it to be, well...I kind of expected it to be sad based off the title cause I thought it would be something about death itself being lonely or something along those lines but well, what you've managed to produce here is certainly something that's a lot sadder and manages to draw out a lot more emotion this one.
Well...you do a wonderful job with the story here at any rate, building up the friendship that must have existed between these two and then really trying to hammer home everything about how strong of a friendship these two must've had to keep in touch even after all those years had passed there. And then of course we see how the time goes and his thoughts continue to get worse and worse about what could possibly be the reason behind his friend not being there at their usual time and place. Its certainly not something that really builds the tension of things here...and then when you get into what happens after that with the man who gives that message arriving dressed almost like you would expect death to be arriving there with that full black attire, and then of course that final blow when the devastating news is finally broken. And well that reaction at the end is pretty well done, well, it doesn't quite sell it for me, I feel like there's something a little missing in that reaction, they start just blaming death and cursing everyone a little fast...I would expect more shock and denial to start with there....ehh...well that's my opinion at any rate.
Now the one other issue that I spotted in this particular one is the lack of paragraphing, the story itself flows okay....its just that its one giant blob of text that is currently pretty darn hard to read there, I really think this needs to be broken into at least four or five paragraphs and I think that would really help this be a lot better, just with that one small change.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 251013
Reviews: 4075
Donate