EternalSleep

Okay, so overall, this is an alright piece. If it's meant to be a song, I can understand how it might be a lot different or more striking with music, ...

Alright, so. What you have here is good. I feel it could be very much expanded upon. You mention missing things, but when you address something like that, it should ...

Beautifully written. I'm surprised you don't do this poetry thing more often. You've got some incredible skill. I don't know if you are writing from experience or imagination, but, having ...

As is, this poem is incredibly short. It's an intriguing topic, and although very deep, these few stanzas are very shallow. It needs emotion, passion, imagery, detail. Quite honestly, right ...

This seems like it would be song lyrics more so than just a poem. I'm not sure why I just got that feeling. The words never seem to fit into ...

I disagree with LastPaladin but writing isn't meant to be viewed the same by everyone after all. I really could relate to this poem, but only on a logical level. ...