Published November 22, 2010
Ugly Mirror, Pretty Mirror,
Haunting my life;
One an elixir,
The other a knife.
Ugly Mirror, Pretty mirror,
My dear love and fear;
Pity only one of you
Can ever be here.
One day is a good one,
One day I could die,
Some days I hope to be;
Some days hope passes by.
Ugly Mirror, Pretty Mirror,
Tell me my state,
Don't distort me,
What is the rate?
Never forget, it's not your choice.
Never forget, it's not your taste.
Never forget, it's your confidence that matters.
SO HOW AM I TO KNOW THE TRUTH?
Ugly Mirror - I hate you, I know you are wrong.
Pretty Mirror - I love you, I know I'll be strong.
Ugly Mirrow - I hate me, I know you are right.
Pretty Mirror, stop thinking I'm naive to the fright.
Oh, what use is this anyway?
It's not even the outside that counts the most!
Trouble is, while beauty is skin deep,
Ugliness goes right to the bone.
Ugly Mirror, Pretty Mirror,
Haunting my dreams,
One, aspiration,
The other, just seams.
Ugly Mirror, Pretty Mirror,
My precious ground,
I only hope that one
Will someday, truly be found.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
I liked it a lot. I think it showed how split our minds are. One day we're happy with ourselves and the next day we're the opposite. It's a great piece! Work more on the division!
I like this poem, and don't see why everyone else is being so hard on it. Sure, the whole mirror subject is a tad overused, but it is my opinion that you breathe some fresh air into it. Your rhyme and rhythm are good for the most part, though there are those two stanzas (3 and 5) where the rhyme mysteriously disappears. . . .
I like these lines.
I didn't exactly understand the "rate" reference.
This is just my opinion, but to me it looks kind of cheesy for that last line to be capitalized.
I like these lines . . .
. . . and these.
The flow is thrown off by the last line; too many syllables.
Overall: Good job! You could definitely work on the rhyme and rhythm in a few places, but in general the poem has a nice feel to it: fresh and lilting. Keep on a-writin'!
~Warrior Princess
I have not read any of your other reviews but i think most grammer is covered. I liked this poem, i know that most people have that feeling where one day we find ourselves looking beautiful and the other we just want to crack our mirrors. so i understand where your coming from though at times i found it un-emotional and detached... but i think it has a lot of great potential.
from kitty
Wish you tbe best!!
Hi if I have to be honest I don't like so much repetition either.
I don't really like this stanza:
Don't really know what you mean by it ... I mean do you want the ugly mirror to be there as well ... ahm I am confused
I like this stanza:
I think it's very real and many people can relate to it.
I don't think capital letters are needed on this sentence:
You dramatized it a bit too much when it wasn't needed.
For some reason I liked this stanza:
I think overall the poem is not bad but you should definitely try to cut on the too many repetitions, also I'd like to see more emotion, there is parts in which I feel involved and others where I don't.
I disagree with LastPaladin but writing isn't meant to be viewed the same by everyone after all.
I really could relate to this poem, but only on a logical level. I know in my head that I do relate to this, and it speaks to me, but for one reason or another, it was difficult to connect emotionally. This really is a topic and a poem that has incredible potential to be very, very emotional, you just have to maybe put some emotion behind the words. I don't mean that to sound ignorant, I know there is a lot of emotion there, you just need to bring it out. A few times anger or frustration is conveyed, but then it goes away. For a lot of the piece, I can't tell if you as the writer are feeling sadness or confusion or anger (I'm pretty sure the feeling is primarily negative).
In this stanza, a change is belief is evident, but there's no push, not a punch behind the words so that they exude the emotion, the change. They are stated in the same simple manner, but are so different at the same time. Sometimes that can be brilliant, but I think this particular item could benefit from a snap in the emotion.
The last line seems to be lost on me, I'm afraid. Although that could just be me.
Overall, I think this is a well-crafted poem. You definitely have talent as well as some strong emotions, but it would make it a phenomenal piece if you could push the emotion in with maybe some more vivid wording or even just a different format or punctuation.
I hope I made at least a little sense.
Keep writing and keep the faith.
-Jocelyn
Greetings I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer, it's my opinion of this poem is not only did it kick us out not allowing any imagery to capture, it wore out it's welcome very fast with the juvenile repetition, which tried to be deep but failed to deliver even on that. No matter how many times you state something doesn't make it anymore interesting or original, you kicked us out and expect us to listen, but at this point, we don't care. This sounds harsh I admit.
Here's a explanation of why this doesn't work, you use generic ideas, tiresome themes and unoriginal wording. I could look anywhere online and find a piece similar to this, with similar wording. Trust me it isn't hard, and worse the repetition fast grates on your nerves. The boring wording and overall emo like vibe from this poem fast makes it unwelcome to our minds and we want it away. Not only that but the lack of imagery stops us feeling any of the emotions we wish and we're just on the ride, not driving, not caring, just on that ride. And this goes on and on for ages, soon turning into something you loath and despise for how it holds your prisoner.
Overall: This is bad. I wish I could point out good point, but everything just wears me down, the clichés, the lines, the repetition, they're bundles of things you don't actually need but put in. It's just a mess of trying too hard and also trying to have a big personal message.
Hope this helps.
I really enjoyed this poem, definitly made me feel better about myself. Which is why I like it so much, the rythming of the poem was really well done and flowed very well. The meaning of the poem was told clearly but also after reading the poem for a second time I understood it even more. There was one mistake and that was that mirror was spelt wrong but that was only a typing mistake beacsue everything else was spelled right.
Also the ending stanza seemed like something was missing from it I'm not sure if that's just me but I always think it's a good idea to follow hunches. Thanks for posting I really enjoyed this, great writing!
-Snickerdooly
Hello!
I loved this poem! Its meaning struck me easily. You had a few spelling mistakes but otherwise I loved it.
XOXO
colie18
Hello!!
Rain here!!
So, I really liked this poem, it is well written and the structure is good. It flows quite nicely and the theme is a good one.
So, here are my little nit-picks:
Red- Grammer mistakes
Blue- Things I think you should change to make the poem better, in my opinion, or from my expereance.
Pink/purple- Things I really like
Green- Aditional comments
Nice beginning, I like the rhyme.
Another good stanza!
These lines kinda stuck out to me. Like they didn't exactly fit... One, it doesn't rhyme. Two, you really don't let us know enough about what that choice is and what that taste is. Maybe add to it? I don't know.
This is also another stanza that stands out to me, simply because you change the rhyme you were using. Before the 2nd and 4th lines rhymed. Changing the rhyme can confuss the reader. Other then that this stanza is alsoo quite good.
Good stanza, I guess "most" and "bones" are near enough of a rhyme to work.
Nice poem! I really liked it.
Hope this helps,
~Rain~