Esmé

Myth, you are a genius !!! Really, you are. First of all, I would again like to thank you for taking your time and reading this. I edited more or ...

I think I'm going to post more of this, xD. To the amulet - it just means that she became someone (again, still have to figure out who). Anyways, thank ...

Yes, maybe the amulet is a bit cliche... But a ring would be even worse, wouldn't it, lol? I can't say anything that will make it less cliche other than ...

... And again I read through everything that gyrfalcon wrote... Too fast, too fast! -elein

I don't think that this is supposed to be here. How about the Discussion and Tips forum? To the text... Uhm... I really have no comment... -elein

When you format this, I will write a critique, ok? (Spaces between paragraphs) -elein

Quote: lifted his heavy eyelids reluctantly, but, glancing over at the desk he realised his father must have finally gone to bed. What has one to do with the other? ...

More people will read it if you don't have to download it to do so. -elein

First of all, thank you thank you thank you thank you for the critique and taking your time and reading what I wrote. I so appreciate it. Ah, and to ...

Ahh, Bartimaeus... Great book )I onlz read the first one=. Looking forward to the rest! -elein

quote: But then that would cost me points. ... Only like 15 or something, come on...

Okay, I have nothing to say (I don't critique poetry, just don't get it) that you should add a space after every comma. Cheers, elein

You should post this to fantasy, or something. This forum is more for talking ABOUT what you're writing than posting it. -elein

Yes! I think it would sound better with the 'that'. Here I was thinking about it about fifteen minutes, and then Luna comes and... *Shakes head in amazement*

Unclear sentence alert = is unclear to me. Means it at some point loses sense, either gramatically or in any other way a sentence can lose sense. E.g: quote: But ...