Esmé

Liked the beginning - that’s what caught my attention in the first place, lol. Quote: not too hot that the heat permeated every pore and cell so that movement was ...

Just wanted to say that I'm thirteen, too! =) A question though, why do have 15 on your age? =) However, I am not going to write a critique for ...

Basically what Myth said, lol. I won't point out every little typo, the only mistake I noticed was: Quote: “I did them. Then my mother fixed them and made them ...

I agree with Firestarter (Jack? I’m not usre here, lol) on the descriptions. I would cut off like half of it, but the other half would HAVE to stay, lol. ...

Quote: The thump of footsteps on the cold ground made Émon’s head snap up. Despite the frosty weather, sweat slid from his forehead down his face like tears. But the ...

Firstly, it would be nice if you formated (spaces between paragraphs AND dialogues) Hey Wesley. You’re knew, aren’t you? Quote: Its small glow was like an ocean that tossed shadows, ...

Quote: Reflexively, Dayla’s hand went to her cheek, to trace the four now somewhat faded scars, remnant of her last encounter with the reptilian powerhouse. ‘A remnant’? Also, I’m not ...

Mwahaha, writergirl and I are becoming your personal critics, hehe... Quote: No observer could have discerned that Dayla Batara did not belong, for with her speed and agility the skilled ...

Quote: He had never heard of mines off the shore of River Taquival, and had read extensively on Afanadar’s geographical history. -Maybe ‘even though’ would be better than ‘and’ here. ...

Quote: Garius Rabba motioned with one hand for the soldiers following him to stop, as he surveyed the rainforest-elven village before him. A minor village on the outskirt of Aldaria, ...

So you're a published writer? Congrats! Mwahaha, i'll get to read the book BEFORE publishing. -And for that I LOVE this site. :) Quote: Hands wringing each other nervously, Hands ...

Quote: In the dell below, they saw a good three dozen tuatara, worth with their combined strength and talons perhaps one hundred and half again in ordinary human soldiers. This ...

Yeah, Claudette and The Jesseble covered everything, lol. Quote” Medea stood staring fixedly ahead, the deed was underway, finally. Now as the sun was setting she stood down a back ...

Hm, as Writergirl said, it was good but not my style, lol. I couldn't catch any mistakes, and that a big plus for you. However, at some times I had ...

Quote: The nurse seemed middle-aged, about forty, but had the kindness of a woman of eighty. Just wanted to say that not all eighty year old women are kind, and ...