Esmé

Okay, so I’m finally writing some kind of a critique for you , lol. Really sorry it took me so long, I didn’t have lot of free time lately. Looks ...

Quote: Grinning, I threaded my fingers into my scarf. I kind of didn’t get that. You can thread your fingers? -Not meant to be ironic or anything, I just don’t ...

Your poll: Mabey=maybe? I agree with most of xtenx's comment, so I won't repeat anything here. What kind of made me want to stop reading on the very begining was ...

This didn't really catch my interest either... This was really short, and it is really hard to write anything besides a first impression. It was short AND abrupt, which, at ...

Quote: Snapping his head around the Skull, with its crooked smile and worn head, shook at him. The last part is a tad bit unclear - the skull shook? Quote: ...

Quote: This night, however, This night, that particular nigh… Too much of night! You have beach repeated also, but that somehow doesn’t stand out as much. Quote: The man looked ...

Yes, I did say that I would critique it, didn’t I? Well, here I am! Quote: Chapter 1 Vranem West Make that bold. Put a space or two. I don’t ...

The prologue kind-of-thing Quote: If you are to be my new medical officer. I expect you to have better sense than to waste my time.” Comma instead of the first ...

You know that this is great, don't you? Absolutely awesome, in fact. Quote The weightless spell didn’t work on him; since his little growth spurt he had been immune to ...

Quote: The faint light that glazed the room trickled through the glass ceiling and cast the table in a glowing purity. ‘it cast the table’? Quote: The glancing of this ...

Quote: Bestion prowled through the forest, his eyes shut tight, his hands touching the floor, feeling the way. ‘Feeling the way’ sounds a bit awkward to me. ‘his eyes shut ...

I think I promised you a critique, right? Well, here I am. I’ll be writing as I read: Quote: A sword formed by a veil of crimson light, wielded with ...

Okay, so I couldn’t keep away. Lol. Quote: Garius Rabba sat, polishing his blade, eyes trained hard on something invisible to any around. ‘Eyes trained hard on’ - eyes can ...

Quote: My mother only snarled in response to my protests as she clawed at my curly russet hair with her nails. You have ‘only’ again. Quote: “You should be thankful ...

Quote: The looking-glass, if it could be called that, had a bulky border with leaf designs and a black grille protected it from curious hands wishing to touch the smooth ...