EmmaJane

Hey! 'Tis me again :) First off, can I say how much better it looked spread out and separated - no longer condensed into a couple of large paragraphs. Lots ...

Hey! Your Quote at the start really caught my eye. You shouldn't have moved it! :) Your writing is very sophisticated, perhaps a little too sophisticated. I felt it was ...

*Gasps* No one else has reviewed??! Fools, the lotta 'em. :wink: I'm going to irritate you now with my comments about paragraphing. *grins evilly* Okey doke. Right, I still think ...

Hey! Welcome to YWS! I'm sorry, I only have time for a quick review so I'm just going to pick out a few points. Okay, this is very long. Perhaps ...

Hey! The cliffhanger at the end - wow! Three. I heard a horn honk. The long, deep kind like a… Truck. Very nicely done. I love how you've separated "truck" ...

Hey, That was amazing. You captured the sense of hopelessness and pain perfectly. It's quite moving. The start is perfect. I love the clown analogy. I quite like how you've ...

Ha ha! I love the ending and the way you are so descriptive about the hate-thing going on between Casper and Jamie. I can totally imagine it. “What’s eating you? ...

Amusing. Okay, pretty funny. I have to admit - i think you've captured their personalities perfectly. :) "I command you too eat her!" Yes, i will be sad and point ...

This is only a quick review, so I'm sorry if i am a bit brief. Okay, I was a little confused with what was going on, but after reading it ...

Hey! Can i just say i think your story is brilliant so far. "If they were so keen to greet her before they’d even met her, how mad about her ...

This was great. It really caught my eye. Your writing and main character remind me of an author: Ellen Schreiber. You are a star with characterisation. i immediately got an ...

Oooh, nice. I love how you've centred it around "Once upon a time" Leaves us wondering what has happened to the character to make them so bitter and why they're ...

I like the start - it catches the eye. Kinda makes you think "Well, what IS wrong, then?" But, yeah, the "the only one she had ever slept in." could ...

Your writing is completely riveting. I love how you start off so mysterious and then gradually you reveal to the reader what has happened. "I'm fucking furious that it was ...

Perhaps you could paragraph it? It looks a bit daunting to read if it's just a solid block of writing. Try and break it up a little. I know it's ...