Emerson

Karim smiled to himself. This part confuses me about where the narrator is stranding--where is he standing so that he can view what is going on in the car but ...

it would be best if we made peace that we might never find his killer.” This sentence is grammatically scratching my eyes. I think you need to say "it would ...

I don't know. I kind of like it, but I think it was done way too fast and it could have so much more power, or at least, more impact ...

Well, though this may have been entertaining to write, it's not particularly entertaining to read. Sorry to be harsh--but don't post something you aren't serious about. That means don't post ...

I put your thread title in more proper capitalization rather than all caps. Unless it's artistic capitalization and completely necessary, don't do it. It's annoying, haha, so us Mods end ...

Prologue Kind of odd--why are they recording? You had some really good lines there [carpet crawling, for one] but I can't help but nudge. You say only those will be ...

I wasn't the first one to critique it... This makes life slightly less worth living for. But life is all the more worth living for getting to read something Sam ...

Words make poor bedfellows, I think we learnt more in silence watching the wind drive ever northward, it was all we had in common, I know. I think you could ...

Welcome to YWS! I noticed you haven't posted in the welcome forum, you might want to consider doing that. Before I begin with the critique let me say a few ...

This is incredebly dark but very well thought out. But yes, I had to use a dictionary for "chthonic" and "loam". Learning new words is good! God of Wisdom, Lord ...

The classroom became a cacophony of chairs, zippers and voices as the students dispersed from their seats and into the hallway. He left the door open and opened the blinds ...

Carolina hardly paid attention during Spanish. I think I would rather see "Carolina didn't" because hardly is a weak word imo. She didn’t bother with the long lunch lines, opting ...

(she had a short temper and smelled of fish [s]constantly[/s]) The words “new kid” spread like a whispered wildfire through the classroom. This is an amazing sentence. Props on the ...

There isn't suppose to be a story line in the beginning, because I was thinking back to when I wrote my first entry in my diary. I didn't write my ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about the site or need help finding something feel free to pm me. To let you know, YWS does ...