Published February 4, 2008
[A] Chthonic Mantra
God of Wisdom,
Lord of Death;
Hornéd beast
Of Earth and wealth
Like thine roots
In thy loam,
Give me strength
To ride this storm.
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Thank-you! And welcome to the site! And here is a rarity: a Slav from the Motherland! (Well, besides our good friend Zion/Arvandor, and anyone else I don't know).
Very well written said!
Ah! Thank-you all! And here I thought all it's being praised for would have contributed to its negative criticism.
- Suzanne, mein kleine Poljakina: I like your interpretation of it. There is no right or wrong of course in the reader's eye, though. As for the capitalizations, those were admitedly an afterthought. As a result I suppose I wasn't very consistent with them; I'll see what I'll do. The rhymes and simplicity were, of course, intended so as to provide for a consistent, rhythmic mantra that could easily be repeated over and over.
- Jasmine Hart: I was actually thinking of putting a one-syllable word - adjective - in front of "roots" in the first line of the second stanza. Thus the poem would be: 4 - 3 - 3 - 4; 4 - 3 - 3 - 4, as far as syllables go. Though I don't know, I shall see.
- Emer: I think I intended the poem to be longer when I first wrote the first stanza a few weeks back. Though I came up with the idea of it being a mantra, so there you have it. ^-^;;
If anyone would like a brief summary of the word "Chthonic" I can give it, I understand to some (or many) the word may not be a familiar one. Knowing the word (may) subsequently makes the poem easier to interperate.
I concur! The simplicity here is a nod to your skill; anything more complex, or longer, might have ended up muddy. Lovely, Bjorn. ^_^
This is really great. The rhythm and sound is brilliant, and, as Clau said, the slant rhyme works excellently.
If I'm being picky, I might suggest putting a one syllabyl word before 'loam' as I think it would improove the rhythm, but I'm not sure it's essential.
This is incredebly dark but very well thought out. But yes, I had to use a dictionary for "chthonic" and "loam". Learning new words is good!
God of Wisdom makes me think back to Marlow's Dr. Faustus--to the devil we go for all knowledge. "Hornéd"--I love when people use the é to make the "ed" sound on words. I find it beautiful, so I applaud you. This stanza is simple, and though I want to fight with it because I think it isn't doing anything, it is. Though it isn't how I would like it, you're saying several names all for the same thing, so it fits the idea of a manta, and I can accept it. Also, going into the second stanza, it works out. Your capitalization isn't normal, but isn't bad either. Beast and wealth are not capitalized, though, and it makes me wonder. Death and Earth and Wisdom are though--significance or just folly with the shift key? ^_~I love the beauty of this. It's musical, archaic, perfect--dare I go so far. Loam is a beautiful word, you couldn't have chosen one any better.
It's incredebly simplistic, and plain, but still dark and chill-giving. Your slant rhymes--if you intended them?--were superb, and for as short and simple as it was, it was very well thought out. I think the only thing I could really pick at is that if we did not know the meaning of chthonic we would not understand the poem. But who shouldn't know a word like that? It is a cool word.
In the end, I enjoyed it.