Emerson

I think I might have a possibility of liking this if it made sense. First of all, whatever you are talking about doesn't make sense, and then none of the ...

I have to admit, the last sentence really doesn't make sense. "Love is what keeps kids up"? It... doesn't make sense. Otherwise, this poem is full of telling and blasé ...

Carrying the wine glass stem between his fingers like a cigarette, Benjamin took a deep breath of the urban evening air as he climbed the staircase leading to the rooftop ...

Hey Kaye! Just a quick note, I edited your thread title so that it wasn't in all capital letters. Having a thread in all caps is annoying and doesn't do ...

So, Hey, Je suis ici. Your first paragraph had me thinking that your speaker was outside, yet she is on the bed? And I see, she wants to decompose like ...

So this is for a school assignment? Well, either way, I'm going to critique it like I would anything else. ^_^ But before that, Welcome to YWS. I realize your ...

I like this. But what are you trying to say about the rain drop? ^_~ not to spoil it for you, but you're only describing again! Describing is wonderful, but ...

You seem to already have received a lot of critiques so I hope I still have something worth saying! [s]That[/s] The fist that met my cheek, was it really his? ...

I like how elegant this is, but I think some parts are strange. For example, the grammar doesn't always make sense, so it feels weird. For example: "Onyx eyes; soft ...

Nice try, Prok, but it doesn't work amazing. ^_~ I think this would actually be better as a poem, especially if you lengthened it, added more detail. It's a great ...

Back for seconds, so to speak. ^_^ Jo walked into the small, brightly colored room, scared and silent. This sentence is strange because I can't tell [I know , but ...

First off, the present tense makes me want to attack things violently. It's just annoying, and you won't find a lot of books written in it unless the author is ...

What Azila means is to put a whole space between it. Like This. You see how there are spaces between my lines? Visible ones. Put them between your paragraphs. ^^ ...

It always begins on a dark and stormy night. I would highly suggest you don't begin a story this way. Not only are you taking on a cliché with those ...

Chills, Ed, chills! Oh, I've read this before, haven't I? I know I have, but still. I'm seeing it as something new entirely. I love it. Chills! But: what is ...