Emerson

He didn't say anything for a while, Richard stood at her door, his anger growing force, second by silent second. I think you should say this, "He didn't say anything ...

I missed this.. .xD I'm getting lost in all your chapters. “What does she have but a permanent reservation at Heartbreak Hotel and and endless supply of eager male fans.” ...

however are best seen with your inner child however you said 'however' twice. Same as before, some typos and errors here and there, easy to fix. I'm not too fond ...

I loved this, very much. I really have no critiques on it, just compliments. You captured teenage party nicely, and how general discussion and joking turns to a serious conversation ...

You have some typos here and there, if you read over it you could catch them. I find some parts of this a bit inconsistent/cliche. Taking a blade from a ...

Near the end this totally crashed and turned into an antipoem xD It wasn't even in verse.... Like I said on your other poem, capitalize the pronoun I. This is ...

This is sweet, really is, but doesn't make much of a poem. First off, use real words and not thinks like 'ur' or 'U'. Capitalize the pronoun I, and spell ...

It would help readers if you spaced this out more. Notice how my paragraphs have a space between each one? Do that in your writing, too. You should read over ...

And hell hath no fury like missed misery. "Hell hath no fury like *insert something here*" is cliché, and it's the old english again. That's right, I said it. Only ...

It'd been two weeks since Jamie had written anything. Mostly because she had nothing to write about. Though she had a million things to write about. this is another spot ...

the trouble [s]off[/s] of all that suffering Despite this fact, Jamie's story didn't change. In meaning or in narration. Should be one sentence. I don't see the point in the ...

locked in her dark room writing I think this should be "Locked in her dark room, writing" or "locked in her dark room and writing" because otherwise "dark room writing" ...

Is this about anorexia? I can be slow. It was pretty, but I didn't feel anything...Though I did love the ending. But I didn't really go "awww she's dying" either, ...

Yay poems! Nothing to say other than technical stuff, I can't speak much about dragons.. O frothing ocean waves that mold the land O, comma, frothing? And, you had NO ...

Everyone in Macomb, Illinois thought of the McCall family the ideal family. As the ideal family? They were lower-middle class, and barely made ends meat. Meet, not meat. and for ...