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Re: A Lot Like Christmas: Chapter One
Hey sasha_bumble_bee! I really enjoyed reading the first chapter of your novel. I love the complex relationships you have already set up, and the suspense surrounding the main character. I ...
Sep 22, 2019 -
Re: The Cosmic Dragon: Prologue
I have some specific notes on your story and then some more general ones. In the first line, you say the window was “huge” twice. I would suggest only saying ...
Sep 14, 2019 -
Re: Spaceman, Introduction
Your piece is very intriguing and deep. The beginning poses some good questions and I especially love the sentence "They say, ‘life is too short’, but they just didn’t know ...
Aug 27, 2019 -
Re: Great Hall Grand Re-Opening
First of all, I am very impressed with your rhyme scheme. You kept an AABBCC rhyme scheme for three stanzas, most of which makes sense, which is very impressive. I ...
Aug 27, 2019 -
Re: The One I Loved (4)
I really enjoyed this piece, and the slow, methodic way the story unfolded. You gave just enough detail for the reader to understand, but still have questions. However, I was ...
Aug 26, 2019 -
Re: The Digital Man
Wow. This was really creepy, in a good way. You explained the madness of the lady with painstaking detail, and I could feel the tension throughout the whole piece. You ...
Aug 26, 2019 -
Re: Apathy-Poem
I really like the concept you have set up in this poem, and I think you have really hit at the heart of what defines apathy. It's not a feeling, ...
Aug 26, 2019 -
Re: I Hope this is Okay to Publish
This is really good! I loved it. The descriptions and the details of this piece just blew me away. I loved in paragraph 4, the way you said, "spooning his ...
Aug 26, 2019
