Young Writers Society

Oh my gosh, this just made my day ten thousand times better! LOL!
This was so great! I love the flow, I love the rhyming, it's just amazing! Bravo!

First of all, I am very impressed with your rhyme scheme. You kept an AABBCC rhyme scheme for three stanzas, most of which makes sense, which is very impressive. I am a little confused by the first two lines, because "hurray" and and "carpet" don't rhyme, but the rest make sense. And there is so much imagery and description in this piece, it really brings it to life. I especially love the phrase "greenest carpet". Not just a "green carpet", but the "greenEST carpet". It's a little difference that stands out. I am confused, however, as to what you mean by the "Library Tower". Why is it being celebrated? I thought the Great Hall was what they were celebrating. I was also confused as to how the Tower was lost. I would think it would be pretty hard to lose a tower. I would suggest saying instead it was taken by enemies, or had fallen into disrepair. I also found the line "take heart and be ready knights to go review with haste" a bit clunky. I would suggest adding a transition between "take heart and be ready knights" and "to go review with haste". Even a comma would make it more smooth. Still, this was a great piece. You really got into the mood of medieval poetry and it shows.

Unlike the previous poems I just reviewed which were very dark and very glum and all- yours does surprise me a little. But what can I say about it.. the whole poem is an extended metaphor. The idea of “storming the green room” and the whole idea of people on YWS being umm.. knights..? All participating in that battle(?) yes. It is quite different.
I must though, that; you know when sometimes you read a book and see a huge paragraph of description (except if it’s in game of thrones in which case I read it anyways) well you often skip that to dialogue or smaller paragraphs. Your poem wasn’t.. airy enough. On first glance it looks like a huge chunk of a poem. And even though I liked the style and the idea behind it and all of that, seeing the poem with so little gaps and so many words is vey demoralizing.
I also felt as though your poem had a fast rhythm. It’s not slow and melancholic, it’s fast and joyous. So yeah, the structure itself sets the mood.
Then there is the imagery, I dunno if that’s what you were aiming for; but I never got a clear image of the people in that poem. In that second stanza, you jump from the Great Hall to the permits to battles to the library tower and again a tower, even though I suspect both are the same. Maybe some fake imagery to describe the green room would’ve been better, and instead of all those place, take the time to exaggerate the description of the main sets, which I got were the Liberty tower and the green room.
Soif voire there are metaphors in here, but very little description.
There are beautiful rhymes though, and an airy rhythm that makes your poem glow prettily. It is long, some people do that; long poems for small things- but still, some parts of the poem could’ve been take out, or at least given some space so that the stanzas are not all hunked together.

Wow I loved reading this, it gave me a real feeling of the fighting in the green room, to clear everything,

Oh commander it was such a party, I am happy that we got though the ruff time of clearing out all the rubble.