EloquentDragon

I'll be very brief. This was strange, and very funny. However, it isn't really a story. There's not really anything happening here. It's sort of flat. You also might want ...

er...where's the next part? Not fair, not fair, not fair! Anyway.... Overall the writing flowed very smoothly, and was very well written. However, I would like to see more consistency ...

So, what draft is this? It's fairly good for a first draft, but then for two or more... There are a few grammar points, and then some of your prose ...

Okay, so I'm going to be brief here. First off this is a very interesting premise, but the story fails to pack the metaphorical punch when it comes to carrying ...

Here to review. Sorry if this seems a little harsh. (And long) The truth is, you have a captivating, and quite simply, great premise, but the story itself fails to ...

To tell you the truth, I am a little shy to review your work, since you have much more experience then me. So I'll try to give you an impression ...

READERS: Spoiler Warning! The first thing I thought when I looked at this was that more people would comment if you posted this in smaller segments, then I finished reading ...

Corrections are in red, please read these. Personal opinion on the subject in blue, please disregard these. :wink: Billy Joel’s stardom can be attributed to his ability to create anecdotal ...

So, there were a few grammar points that I cought here, mostly how you need to use three periods (...) when something is out of conjunction rather than breaking it ...

[quote="Torigirl15"] Chapter One: Fire roared passed where seconds ago, my head had been .-This first sentence is a little odd on the prose. Maybe reformat? I rolled in the grass ...

Chapter 2 Opal Charen and I aren't the only ones who live on the moon. There are other moon people, of course. It's just I've always wondered if there were ...

He took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles in preparation for what he must do. He pulled a round, lead ball from his pouch and held it between his ...

I’m new here and no, I won’t be following your rules. Now if I were you I’d be running along now. Strange things happen at night in Dagwood.” This is ...

Deep breathes indicated something was definitely not right. This is wonderful! I was totally hooked, and could not help but think what's wrong? DO NOT change this, it is a ...

The next morning, Lloretta Leshwinski-You don't need to add her last name, its very annoying. You should have A character or someone call out her name in the first part ...