Elephant

hehheh...very nice Forest. I especially like how all your rhyme worked. hehheh...Trolls. I wonder what their advice would be? EL

YAY...formatted. To answer your question, yes the last sentance is clear. Actually I quite like it, its very descriptive. EL

ooh...suffiently captivated. I didn't find any grammatical mistakes while I was reading, so really all I have to say is that the new version is far better than the old, ...

Thanks for the input, I have to look into cleaning up those descriptions when I edit. EL

thank you, Strike one was trying to find out at school. Maybe I should change that. EL

Thanks man, it took so long to type up as I can't read my own handwriting. sad...isn't it. Part 4 will be up soon, as well as a companion piece ...

Ahh.. thanks for clarifying. EL

ARGG... I just posted a lenghty response and the site logged off on me... err lets try this again. The next chapter which will be up pronto, defines this as ...

The guy who hands Kyle the book is supposed to be vague, *wink wink* EL

CS Lewis is great, Miss Ari. About Jake, are you talking about Kyle, cause I think you may have gotten them confused or at least I am confused here...not to ...

Thanks Niobe, I'll be the first one to admit I suck at grammer, thats what friends are for, right? The purpose of this chapter was for character developement, so that's ...

Thank you both. Twilight - actually it was the first one that came to mind, I wanted to use one of the books out of the series but I didn't ...

at this hour, one word captures my thoughts, -genius-. maybe if you want I'll do a more indepth critique. -El-

I caught a typo in the 1st line of the 2 stanza, it should be spontaneity , but I agree with Brian it was easy to read and the ending ...

I agree with Brian, take out the hyphen in the first line. It would benefit from that. Nice imagery though in the first line. Interesting read, don't really have much ...