Ego

It's really, really....like "OMFG U totally lyke rock!" status. I dunno if you should continue it, because it's awesome how it is. It's very mysterious and dark, and the quotes ...

Slightly cliched. Vampires in gothic clothing is done frequently. I like the concept and how it's written, but the tone sounds very strained. For example, you said "two minutes afer ...

hmmm....I'm not sure what to make of this piece. It was definitely heartfelt and emotional. Your heart was in the right place. The best thing about this piece was the ...

This didn't do anything for me. The present tense seemed to serve no purpose, for it didn't have near the impact of what a first person, present tense story should. ...

"Melodramatic, tale tale crap?"--bit harsh, much? Try being constructive. Furthermore, read the footnote--this is a small part of a larger piece. JC--you're right, this piece is very symbolic. That sa

No, the way he has it is right, Phorcys. Kind of. The first THING (singular) they saw WAS (singular also) the seven magicians (plural, however). The way you have it, ...

I dig it--I definitely agree with changing all the he's to would add a certain class to the whole thing. But yeah--the police would easily be able to identify who ...

>=O And where am I? Hmmm? ...what? you said make it as worthless as your comment, right? Nah, JK. Great dialogue, and, erm....description. Great approach to the scene, will keep ...

“It’s silly, isn’t it, how that simple that phrase is?" Read that sentence again. Then tell me what's wrong. Ya know? I swear I've read this before, Snoinkus...have I? Oh ...

Double space those paragraphs Danny boy! On the BOUNCE mister! I love the fact that your voice stays clear throughout the entire piece. It's always you and is never weighed ...

It looks like you've copied and pasted this right out of word or works. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. However, your indentations, for whatever reason, don't register ...

Right off the bat, your taler would be much easier read if you were to double space the paragraphs, as opposed to copying and pasting from word. The format makes ...

Ooooo...I'm an officer! Sweet! A fanfic by Jacko? This should be...hm...what's the word...AWESOME. :D I'll come back and read this more in depth when I'm not sitting in class with ...

Ok, I gotta say, this was really well done--great word choices and smooth reading, as Bob said. Really my only beef with this is the sheer mass of words on ...

Actually, it was a warning. No flaming is allowed here, Deaducky. You have now been *looks at Grif* bluntly warned. Don't flame members, or there will be consequences. Furthermore, a ...