Dynamo

The reason why it feels so real is because it is real. Ayumi is going through all of this right now, and posting journals about it on YWS is one ...

The manga is called .Hack// The Legend of Twilight. It's a three book long sequal to the original .Hack// series. I'm not sure exactly where you can get it because ...

(Here's the re-edited version. I was actually thinking of having Dynamo's new power heal their enemies the next time he uses it.) Chapter 3: When Dynamo opened his eyes, he ...

(Here's the re-edited version of my second chapter. I took into account everything you guys said. I even changed the dragon's level from 40 to 20 to make it seem ...

The manga you meantioned is where I actually got the idea of the story. The part about bringing stray dogs home actually slipped my mind and I didn't remember until ...

(Here's the editted version. Yeah, I know, who would have guessed I'd use my own name for the main character. Although Dynamo is my favorite screen name. I think I'm ...

(I've edited the first chapter yet again after taking into account everything that kitty15 said. Although I agree that the beginning is a little too chliche and the paragraph about ...

(Okay, I edited this chapter with what you guys said in mind. I didn't do everything you guys told me to, since it's my story and all, but I did ...

Not too bad at all. You were able to be descriptive without using any inappropriate words, which can be a challenge for most people. The only suggestion I have is ...

"Many state that these words make the story..." You may want to reword this sentence in the begining. "Many state" just doesn't feel right to me and distracts me from ...

It certainly does make you think.

I know there's a lot of spelling and grammar errors, but I posted these chapters last summer. I've edited them since them with the help of all the other critiques ...

Actually, the jeep in this chapter is the same one that Serge and Grif were arguing about a name for in the first chapter. I guess I have to be ...

Rei: There's a bunch of words in Japanese that don't have and English counterpart, and visversa. When that happens, you need to improvise and find certain combinations of words to ...

In one of the first few paragraphs you wrote 'Lance' in every scentence he was mentioned. If you change a few 'Lance's to 'he' or 'him' it'll flow much better, ...